Jackie Stallone
I love Jackie Stallone.
If you’re not familiar with Jackie, she’s movie superstar Sylvester Stallone’s mom. The first time I became aware of her was around 2000 when she appeared the Howard Stern E! show. She’s a tough-as-nails broad with confidence and tenacity. But a lot of people have those qualities and I’m not easily impressed with bravado. Why I fell in love with Jackie Stallone was the reason she was ON the Howard Stern show.
I have this friend, Arnie Becker.
Okay, truth be told I don’t really have a friend named Arnie Becker, but for this story I feel I should change the names, as to not embarrass the real people involved. But, if you really want to know who I’m talking about, just ask me. I have a feeling I’ll tell you.
There has been an unfortunate trend over the past few years where men, usually in their late-teens to early twenties, have started to purchase and wear “skinny” jeans. I’m talking about the jeans that are not just tight in the seat or waist, but in the legs, too.
Did you ever dream of owning a tank? Sure you did. Remember when you used to look out the window, bored in grammar school, fantasizing of driving a Sherman across the playground and running over that bully who used to throw the kickball at your head just because he was a dickhead?
Did you ever dream of owning a tank? Sure you did. Remember when you used to look out the window, bored in grammar school, fantasizing of driving a Sherman across the playground and running over that bully who used to throw the kickball at your head just because he was a dickhead?
I love/hate Twitter. What's great is that by putting out information, you can connect to anybody who has interest in your interests.
However, in my experience, this rarely ever happens.
I post to my Twitter account daily. Mostly just jokes; one-liners that I think of when going about my day. However, I get virtually no responses from my tweets. I have about 150 people that “follow me” which should indicate that every once in awhile I would engage in a real conversation. But it never happens.
I’m 33 years old, and I have never had a mosquito bite. I know that may sound hard to believe, but it’s true. Or, maybe if I’ve had a mosquito bite in my life, I’ve not known about it. I’ve never seen one on my body, nor have I ever regularly scratched at something on my skin. I also don’t use moisturizer. Not sure if that’s related.
I had a dream a few nights ago where I was in charge of looking after a baby’s well-being. I don’t have any children currently, and have only physically held a baby a few times in my life. They’re nice and all, but, you know. They smell and stuff. Anyway, in this dream somebody gave me a baby to look after. So, then I was tasked with finding a sitter, so my wife and I could enjoy an evening out.
I had a dream a few nights ago where I was in charge of looking after a baby’s well-being. I don’t have any children currently, and have only physically held a baby a few times in my life. They’re nice and all, but, you know. They smell and stuff. Anyway, in this dream somebody gave me a baby to look after. So, then I was tasked with finding a sitter, so my wife and I could enjoy an evening out.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!