These are the posts that will go in the slider.
TheNumbers, our band, is performing live tomorrow night here in Chicago. Just in case you happen to be local, we’re playing at Silvie’s in Lakeview and go on at 10:30pm.
For the rest of you who don’t give a shit, please keep reading.
In the past two days I got a few emails that made me laugh. The first was from a reader in Scotland. She told me she likes me because my “humour” is different from the Scots, and essentially way better.
But what about all the amazing Scottish comedians we worship? You know, um… well… hmm. Isn’t Craig Ferguson from Scotland? He’s sort of funny.
Here’s my thought…
How can I clean my place just enough not to let anyone know just how disgusting I live?
I’m a master at cutting corners when it comes to sanitation. Nobody knows better how to kick things under beds, toss shit into closets and you pray are not opened, and use what magicians call misdirection. A good example of misdirection is shining up the granite counter tops or waxing the hardwood, all while where the baseboards are caked in cat hair and dead skin cells.
After 44 days of straight blogging, I’m pretty wiped out.
I am so drained of anything funny that I’m searching any and all memories trying to scrounge up something to write about. The truth is, I’m stressed about money. This is incredibly embarrassing but I’m really really low on funds. For the first time in my life.
Earlier I went to the grocery. (see, I’m just like you!)
On the way there, I heard a large “pop.” And this came from inside the car. This was not the first time in recent months that I’ve had a problem with my car.
My mom very graciously passed down her automobile last fall. It’s from 1999. And one of those cars that has a lot of gadgets and accessories. I was thrilled to get a free car – who wouldn’t be? But also a little embarrassed to have to explain that my mommy gave it to me. Oh well – got over that one.
This video was entirely shot, edited, produced and uploaded from the tub. I know. It’s cool.
The double chin shown in the video is a special effect I used. Naturally.
This has probably happened before, I’m sure.
Facebook doesn’t send you a message that says, “Hey bozo, somebody has decided you’re not worth following anymore. Cheers!” That would be sort of cruel. But funny, too.
One of the questions I am asked regularly is…
Do you still talk with your ex-wife?
The answer is yes.
Since I’m in a ridiculous number of support groups and therapy, I’ve had a year point five to process a lot of the anger and sadness that comes with divorce. Sure it still pops up once in awhile, and I feel like crying (sometimes I do) or screaming choice expletives at an invisible version of her (I do this too). That’s normal, from what I’m told.
At around 5pm today I got an urgent email and voicemail from my server and hosting provider, GoDaddy. Apparently they had been trying to contact me for a week. The problem is that they also call once in awhile to upsell me on an upgraded server or more bandwidth. So, whenever they call, I just let it go to voicemail and then I delete, without listening.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
