I don’t really know much about Germans except from what I have seen lampooned on television. I think when I was 18 we went to Germany on a trip I took with my high school french class. It might have just been Switzerland though. I really don’t remember.
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These are the posts that will go in the slider.
What I Need From YOU (It’s Not Dirty)
I actually found myself today saying to a friend, “Did you know that Fran Drescher and Larry the Cable Guy both follow me on Twitter?”
Then, “Well, Fran Drescher is probably just a thing where she follows a lot of random people, but Larry the Cable guy only follows like 1k! Isn’t that funny?”
White Hair / Black Hair
If I could make love to leavened bread, this would be my mistress.
Jessica and I were sitting somewhere a few days back. I don’t exactly remember, so let’s just say a restaurant. All of a sudden she exclaimed, “Holy shit! This is amazing!”
She was staring at the side of my head and giggling. Then she reached over (without asking) and started digging around the hair just above my ear. Since I have written about how I love pulling out her white head hairs, I assumed she just found my first white hair. Like a neurosurgeon she delicately and masterfully maneuvered her fingers in position for about thirty seconds before pulling. Well, not like a surgeon at all. She wasn’t going inside my head, wearing scrubs, or had even washed her hands before touching me.
Pretzel Bread and Chicken Shawarma
Let’s face it, chicken shawarma is one of the best things on the planet. Also, pretzel bread. Both chicken shawarma and pretzel bread taste like digestible heaven and yet…
You have to really hunt to find either.
There are a billion crappy Mexican restaurants, a McDonald’s down the street, and 37 Subways within city proper. Yet, to find a shop that will make you a deli sandwich with pretzel bread is impossible. Here’s how difficult it is to get pretzel bread. Even Auntie Anne’s doesn’t sell them and they’re the only pretzel game in down.
Being My Girlfriend is Exhausting
I didn’t do anything remotely funny today.
Truth is, I’m feeling a bit sad. After nearly three weeks of being here, Jessica is heading back to Atlanta in a few days with her cat and dog. It’s been over two years since my wife moved out, and to have somebody at home has been wonderful.
Same Old Crap
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Yesterday I wrote about how I disgustingly wash my dog’s bathroom in the dishwasher several times a year. I’m sorry you had to read that (and if this is your first visit, you’re heading there now).
I poked my girlfriend (not that way) as we’re lying here in bed because I forgot to post today and I need to keep up my streak of no misses in 2012. We had just watched We Need To Talk About Kevin which was fantastic but also one of the most depressing movies I’ve seen. I have absolutely no funny in me. And for some reason I’m terrified. I had to ask Jessica to hold me. Then I asked her what to write about.
I Wash My Dog’s Bathroom In The Dishwasher – A Confession
Actually, coming from a former British penal colony, this is pretty impressive.
It’s been at least a week since I grossed you out. “Too long!” some may shout. “Not long enough!” others will cry.
I, myself, subscribe to the “Too long!” camp.
My dog, who just turned four is seven pounds. I live on the top floor (4) of my condo building, and there is no elevator. When my ex-wife and I got the dog we bought a PetLoo. Nowadays there are many copycat products, but the original was developed by an Aussie woman.
None of You Have Gone Nuts
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My friend Mary C (not an alcoholic, I just like calling people in that format so that others think they’re alcoholics) asked me this question today.
Have any of your readers become weird and obsessive?
I laughed because my self-esteem is not that high. The thought that somebody would be so fascinated by me that they decided to cross boundaries is absurd. I mean, I suppose it could happen. But it hasn’t. And I’m guessing probably won’t.
I Almost Had An App
A few months ago I mentioned I was working on a big project. I asked many of you to sign up for my private list so I could get your feedback.
I am sad to announce that I decided to not move forward with the project. Since it’s scrapped, I’ll tell you what was in the works.
