I actually found myself today saying to a friend, “Did you know that Fran Drescher and Larry the Cable Guy both follow me on Twitter?”
Then, “Well, Fran Drescher is probably just a thing where she follows a lot of random people, but Larry the Cable guy only follows like 1k! Isn’t that funny?”
Translation : Please think I’m cool because a couple of celebrities follow me – even if it a fluke, aren’t I so much cooler because of it? I need you to recognize how awesome I am that they obviously think I’m so incredible funny.
I caught myself halfway through this insanity and said, “I’m actually bragging about this. I am looking for your approval.”
Which is a strange thing to say to a friend.
I have had this “please think I’m cool!” thing as long as I can remember. It stems from having low self-esteem, of course. I’m so much better now and rarely try to brag about accomplishments to get attention.
Now that I think about it, some might say that this blog is a constant bid for approval and attention. The people can take a long walk off a short pier!
Goddamn if that isn’t an amazing phrase not used since the 1960s. Let’s all make a concerted effort to bring it back. Also, “golly.” Let’s work hard on “golly.”
I rarely ask you directly for stuff, but if you can find an instance of bragging about something to get attention, I would love to read it. And then I will judge you as being more pathetic than I. (that’s how I self-validate)
Oh, another way I’ve been bragging recently is about this project I’ve been working on set to go live in a day or two. I can’t wait to tell my friends all about it – and it’s really not a huge deal. I just want them to think I’m up to something awesome.
Now, there is nothing wrong with bragging. We all need validation from others. It’s healthy. Don’t listen to the new-age bozos who tell you otherwise. Think of someone you know that doesn’t need anyone’s approval – that person is no fun to be around and probably has a personality disorder.
It’s okay to be needy. Just own your neediness. I need you to think I’m cool. There. I said it.
Oh, and I need you to stick around. If you leave then I’ll have to find other people to tell me I”m cool. And that’s a lot of work. You don’t want me to have to do more work, right?
Golly!
photo credit: aye_shamus via photo pin cc
keliroxurface says:
Golly, you’re super cool!! Way cooler than that dude in the picture you’ve got there and he is pretty cool. Yay accomplishment!
D.J. Paris says:
@keliroxurface Is this a compliment? I haven’t figured it out yet. Ha.
keliroxurface says:
@tfpHumorBlog When you figure it out you’ll know.
keliroxurface says:
@tfpHumorBlog When you figure it out you’ll know.
keliroxurface says:
@tfpHumorBlog When you figure it out you’ll know.
keliroxurface says:
@tfpHumorBlog When you figure it out you’ll know.
keliroxurface says:
Golly, you’re super cool!! Way cooler than that dude in the picture you’ve got there and he is pretty cool. Yay accomplishment!
litwitlia says:
Per your request, by golly:
A musician whose work I love replied to not one but THREE messages I sent him way back in the days of Myspace. These weren’t even one-line “just to be polite” acknowledgements that I’d written to him. We were conversing! And he said I was “lovely and intelligent,” which are just about the two best things a man can say to me. And because I’m delusional, I believed he meant them. My many calls to friends and family drained my cell battery, and for just a bit, people thought of me as “that person I know who talked to someone famous.”.
D.J. Paris says:
@litwitlia You got that excited trading emails with Kid Rock? Aim higher.
litwitlia says:
@tfpHumorBlog I doubt Kid Rock would care about intelligence, but thanks for crediting me with conversing with someone like that. I am here, after all.
D.J. Paris says:
@litwitlia You’re not better than this. True.
litwitlia says:
Per your request, by golly:
A musician whose work I love replied to not one but THREE messages I sent him way back in the days of Myspace. These weren’t even one-line “just to be polite” acknowledgements that I’d written to him. We were conversing! And he said I was “lovely and intelligent,” which are just about the two best things a man can say to me. And because I’m delusional, I believed he meant them. My many calls to friends and family drained my cell battery, and for just a bit, people thought of me as “that person I know who talked to someone famous.”.
about100percent says:
One of my biggest pet peeves related to bragging is when people brag about their kids in any situation. As a result, I try to be humble about my children’s every accomplishment and bowel movement. But when I started my blog, I worried about bragging about myself and how hilarious and smart I think I am. I go throught this OMG AM I BRAGGING thing every single day, when I post to my FB page about my blog, or when I mention anything to anyone about my blog or the fact that it got linked to our local newpaper, which tripled my blog hits per day (I am up to an average of 30, ahem), which I check about ten times a day. Need for approval? Want people to think you’re cool? Yes, sir. *raising hand*
D.J. Paris says:
@about100percent I want to know ALL about your children’s BMs. I’m into that.
about100percent says:
One of my biggest pet peeves related to bragging is when people brag about their kids in any situation. As a result, I try to be humble about my children’s every accomplishment and bowel movement. But when I started my blog, I worried about bragging about myself and how hilarious and smart I think I am. I go throught this OMG AM I BRAGGING thing every single day, when I post to my FB page about my blog, or when I mention anything to anyone about my blog or the fact that it got linked to our local newpaper, which tripled my blog hits per day (I am up to an average of 30, ahem), which I check about ten times a day. Need for approval? Want people to think you’re cool? Yes, sir. *raising hand*
Craziness Abounds says:
Had to think about this one. Let’s start with old 60’s words. I think the word NEAT should be brought back. It cracks me up when I hear someone say
“That’s neat!” Just sayin. It’s very cool that Larry the Cable guy is following you and Fran too.
As for making myself look pathetic with bragging… Can’t really think of something so I’ll come up with my first huge brag.
I’ve written two books. The first one hit #2 on the humor charts and the second one was just released last week. We shall see what that one does. Oh yeah I guess I should put the names on here..
First one is Just Nonsense and the second is called More Nonsense..
There is that enough bragging? I hope so cause I’m tapped out..
D.J. Paris says:
@Craziness Abounds I’m going to write a fake Amazon review for you right now. I have no problem with that.
Craziness Abounds says:
Had to think about this one. Let’s start with old 60’s words. I think the word NEAT should be brought back. It cracks me up when I hear someone say
“That’s neat!” Just sayin. It’s very cool that Larry the Cable guy is following you and Fran too.
As for making myself look pathetic with bragging… Can’t really think of something so I’ll come up with my first huge brag.
I’ve written two books. The first one hit #2 on the humor charts and the second one was just released last week. We shall see what that one does. Oh yeah I guess I should put the names on here..
First one is Just Nonsense and the second is called More Nonsense..
There is that enough bragging? I hope so cause I’m tapped out..
JenOsaurus says:
Golly and/or by jove, I think you’re right about this cool/validation thing. Exhibit A: http://whitfieldawesome.blogspot.com/2012/06/open-letter-to-dj-paris-in-which-i.html So does this make me cool? Huh? Huh! Please say yes. I ate lunch alone a lot in high school. And college. If you say no, you can take a long walk off a short pier.
D.J. Paris says:
@JenOsaurus HOLY CHRIST HOW DID I MISS THIS?! (getting ready to offer you an engagement ring)
JenOsaurus says:
@tfpHumorBlog Fantastic! I’ll practice my “this is so unexpected” face.
D.J. Paris says:
@JenOsaurus Hint – it will be in the pudding at the restaurant.
D.J. Paris says:
@JenOsaurus Hint – it will be in the pudding at the restaurant.
JenOsaurus says:
Golly and/or by jove, I think you’re right about this cool/validation thing. Exhibit A: http://whitfieldawesome.blogspot.com/2012/06/open-letter-to-dj-paris-in-which-i.html So does this make me cool? Huh? Huh! Please say yes. I ate lunch alone a lot in high school. And college. If you say no, you can take a long walk off a short pier.
kristalpistol87 says:
JenOsaurus, I followed your link, read the blog, AND became a follower. (My bragging.) You’re welcome. DJ, you will get no validation from me until you stop being a douche to Jen.
JenOsaurus says:
@kristalpistol87 Thanks kristalpistol! And oh snap! Deej, can I call you Deej (doesn’t matter, I’m going to), we should have a fake feud! It totally works for escalating the coolness factor of celebrities.
D.J. Paris says:
@JenOsaurus @kristalpistol87 Sure. I never liked the way you moisturized. It’s untwoard.
JenOsaurus says:
@tfpHumorBlog Low blow. Half my face melted off in a fire four and one half years ago.**This is entirely untrue. Also, your mother.
D.J. Paris says:
@JenOsaurus “Your mother” – never gets old. Well said.
D.J. Paris says:
@kristalpistol87 Never!
kristalpistol87 says:
JenOsaurus, I followed your link, read the blog, AND became a follower. (My bragging.) You’re welcome. DJ, you will get no validation from me until you stop being a douche to Jen.
JenOsaurus says:
@kristalpistol87 Thanks kristalpistol! And oh snap! Deej, can I call you Deej (doesn’t matter, I’m going to), we should have a fake feud! It totally works for escalating the coolness factor of celebrities.
coldbloodedfun says:
I am definitely the best at patting myself on the back.
D.J. Paris says:
@coldbloodedfun Yeah, I’m certainly not going to. Sorry.
coldbloodedfun says:
I am definitely the best at patting myself on the back.
RASJacobson1 says:
Can I tell you Judy Blume follows me. Or did. And I was so psyched. And then she stopped. And I wanted to cry. Which means I belong in a Judy Blume novel. Because I am definitely 12. Great post.
D.J. Paris says:
@RASJacobson1 She is how I learned about mensies. And then I promptly threw up.
RASJacobson1 says:
Can I tell you Judy Blume follows me. Or did. And I was so psyched. And then she stopped. And I wanted to cry. Which means I belong in a Judy Blume novel. Because I am definitely 12. Great post.
apodd2012 says:
My twitter brag is that you once replied to me..ask my buddies I talked about it for like 15 mins. Also I am related to Sean Astin (which I bring up everytime I see him on TV) Yay me!
D.J. Paris says:
@apodd2012 And now I replied to your comment here! He got snubbed on the Oscar nod for LOTR, by the way.
apodd2012 says:
My twitter brag is that you once replied to me..ask my buddies I talked about it for like 15 mins. Also I am related to Sean Astin (which I bring up everytime I see him on TV) Yay me!
TRfromRL says:
I follow you…and read your blog. Now YOU have something to brag about. To familiarize you with my coolness, my blog gets NO comments. Oh, and most of my Twitter followers are spam, except you, of course, so don’t let that 500+ number intimidate you. I know you’re flattered, but don’t be. It’s hard being a celebrity.
D.J. Paris says:
I know. Just the camera flashes alone when I’m going to the grocer. Leave me alone!
TRfromRL says:
I follow you…and read your blog. Now YOU have something to brag about. To familiarize you with my coolness, my blog gets NO comments. Oh, and most of my Twitter followers are spam, except you, of course, so don’t let that 500+ number intimidate you. I know you’re flattered, but don’t be. It’s hard being a celebrity.
TammyL says:
All of us who have personal blogs are in it to some degree or another for external validation. Own it! I love that you are so depreciating, and willing to stop yourself mid-stream and share what you are feeling, especially when it is far from flattering.
D.J. Paris says:
@TammyL Because you love it, I love myself. Ha.
TammyL says:
All of us who have personal blogs are in it to some degree or another for external validation. Own it! I love that you are so depreciating, and willing to stop yourself mid-stream and share what you are feeling, especially when it is far from flattering.
lucinda says:
This is the first post I have read of yours because guess what? You followed me and I am so lame I needed to find out why and here I am. wink wink It’s scary to know that someone is almost as cool as me! Thanks for the follow, thanks for the post. Can’t wait to see what happens between two very cool people. OMG! we might become bff’s! Yippee yippee! Cheers!
D.J. Paris says:
Oh, I’m cooler. Believe this.
lucinda says:
This is the first post I have read of yours because guess what? You followed me and I am so lame I needed to find out why and here I am. wink wink It’s scary to know that someone is almost as cool as me! Thanks for the follow, thanks for the post. Can’t wait to see what happens between two very cool people. OMG! we might become bff’s! Yippee yippee! Cheers!
MissBee73 says:
I cant think of anything cool enough that I’ve bragged about but I will be bragging about finding your blog to all and sundry. This is a ruddy good read. Consider me an avid follower from here on in.
D.J. Paris says:
@MissBee73 Had to look up sundry (thought that was stuff you bought at hotel gift shops) and ruddy (which I thought was just a skin condition). I’m assuming you’re from some weird country. Like Mesopotamia. Wait, that’s a country, right?
MissBeee73 says:
@tfpHumorBlog I am showing my ignorance here by not even knowing where Mesopotamia is and have to admit to assuming it is in fact a rare liver condition. But yes you were right the first time, I am indeed from a weird country. England to be precise. Right I am off to read some more of your blogs.
D.J. Paris says:
@MissBeee73 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesopotamia – must I do EVERYTHING?
MissBeee73 says:
@tfpHumorBlog It would seem that way!! So now I can brag that the cool guy from Thoughts From Paris sent me a wikipedia link. That beats my previous claim to fame that a boy band member from the 80’s kissed me on the cheek once.
D.J. Paris says:
@MissBeee73 Which one from Menudo?
MissBee73 says:
I cant think of anything cool enough that I’ve bragged about but I will be bragging about finding your blog to all and sundry. This is a ruddy good read. Consider me an avid follower from here on in.
D.J. Paris says:
@tfpHumorBlog When you figure it out you’ll know.
Hope says:
I’m a little tardy to the party, I know. Bragging isn’t as terrible as it seems. it says ‘hey, look at what I did; isn’t it neat-o?’ It’s when people constantly brag on and on about this and that. I work next to a ‘one-upper’. You know the type, their self esteem is so low that they constantly have to top anything and everything you say or do; even if it’s true or not. By golly, it’s really freaking annoying!!! One day I feel like I may snap and punch her dead in her boob……..My boss says I should come in and say that my husband was arrested for drugs AGAIN and all of my children have explosive diarrhea just to see how she tops that. It may be worth a shot!
Bella says:
Golly, gee whiz, you have super famous followers. I am jelling big time. My coolness factor was badly damaged because I had an actor from Pacific Rim spanked his monkey 3 times a day in the span of 5 days listening to me do a financial audit. 😉