I Communicate With My Ex-Wife Through Jokes

one-eyed cat
This isn't actually Shitty Kitty, but all one-eyed cats look the same.

One of the questions I am asked regularly is…

Do you still talk with your ex-wife?

The answer is yes.

Since I’m in a ridiculous number of support groups and therapy, I’ve had a year point five to process a lot of the anger and sadness that comes with divorce.   Sure it still pops up once in awhile, and I feel like crying (sometimes I do) or screaming choice expletives at an invisible version of her (I do this too).   That’s normal, from what I’m told.


My mind is always on humor mode.  During the day, I probably work up 10-20 one-liners or ideas for stories.  I have been doing that ever since I was little.  I’m wired up to find the funny.  Not sure if you would agree I always find it, but, screw you!  You dress like a bozo and we all laugh at you.

Many jokes get rejected (probably 60%) before they ever make their way onto my Twitter feed or this blog.

For example yesterday I thought:

I wish I had come up with the “Coexist” bumper sticker, if for no other reason than to make a shitload of money exploiting intolerance.

Somewhat clever, but not particularly funny.   Rejected.   (and yes, I understand the incongruence of posting it here)

My favorite bumper sticker of all time - "I'm Still Pissed Off About The Whole Yoko Ono Thing."

Much of my humor comes from writing songs and jokes about my cat and dog, and my ex-wife’s two cats, one of which lived with me for four years.   Her other cat, Shitty Kitty (yes, that’s the real name), I haven’t met, but only has one eye for some reason or another.   I think my ex-wife performed the surgery.

one-eyed cat
This isn't actually Shitty Kitty, but all one-eyed cats look the same.

A one-eyed cat inherently contains a wealth of joking-around material.

Just yesterday I texted my ex-wife:

Are you familiar with Shitty’s favorite restaurant?   Argggh-by’s!

Then to continue the pirate theme:

Do you know who Shitty Kitty’s natural enemies are?   Scurvy dogs!

I’m particularly proud of that one.

She texted back her own joke.  It was horribly racist, so I won’t repeat it.  Take that Albanians!

(Obviously she did not text back something racist.  She’s very tolerant.  Even has a “Coexist” bumper sticker on her Prius.)

Now, my ex-wife and I don’t really ever speak on the phone.  Sure, once in awhile when I a vet question or to sing a song I wrote about the dog.  We don’t have long meaningful conversations as it wouldn’t be appropriate.  We’re both moving on.

But what am I supposed to do – not text or call a joke over?  Let it go to waste?

So, is it healthy?  I don’t know.  I just like making people laugh.  Even people that leave.

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