Do you enjoy coming home? I guess that depends if your parents suck or not. Here’s my take.
I Have Spear Toe – A Confession
No good.
I want you to do something right now.
Pull out one of your hands (choose the one that is shoved down the front of your pants – and no I don’t mean because you’re doing that.)
Hold it up in front of you. Pay particular attention to the pinky. Notice it’s length. It’s longer than you thought, right?
The Best Joke I Wrote Last Night In A Dream
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A few times a week I find myself coming up with a joke during a dream. And that joke, I’m absolutely convinced, is the greatest joke of all time. Every time.
I vow upon awaking that I will write this gem down and create that day’s blog post around it. I get excited and actually think that this will be funniest post I’ve ever written.
31 Posts in 31 Days
No joke required here.
I’m just like George Thorogood.
Well, I’m white. He’s white. We both play guitar. We’re both in bands. We both have giant skulls.
And we both love a challenge.
In 1981 George did probably the coolest thing a rock star could – he booked and performed fifty shows in fifty states in fifty days.
Another Embarrassing Story About Food
This shit so totally comes from the sea.
Yesterday, I revealed that until last November, I had no idea that the red thing inside of a green olive was a pepper. I thought it came with the olive. I am 35.
Today’s story, believe it or not, is even more embarrassing.
And lest you think I exaggerate, I can even ask the person who witnessed this almost twenty years ago to verify. His name is Justin, and has been a great friend for twenty-five years. In fact, when I got married, he got a marryer (that’s probably not a word) license and became our officiant. I also blame him for the subsequent divorce.
One Embarrassing Story About Food
C'mon - it totally looks natural.
Over Thanksgiving, reader-turned-girlfriend Jessica was telling a story about how one of her friends didn’t know that a pimento in a green olive was placed there by man. Then my entire family started laughing at this friend that nobody except Jessica had met. I’m pretty sure my sister yelled out, “Fool!”
Where Do You Waste Time? Vlog
I’m a time waster, and last night it reared it’s ugly head in the form of a video game. Watch below and then cleanse yourself by telling my readers where YOU screw around.
Sitting with Hard Feelings is Exhausting
It’s been awhile since I put the fart humor aside (pains me to even write such a sentence), and talked about something more real, but I think it’s time.
One of my good friends, Bill Flynn, is known for saying that doing emotional work is much more exhausting than physical work. I have found this to be true as well.
Who Do You Read? (Other Than Me)
Copper, you're my best friend! Now, if only you could protect me from daddy's abuse...
The other day, my pal Laura Roeder published an article I wrote about building reader loyalty.
If you want to read the article, click here!
I had written this piece last year and totally forgot about it. As I was reading it back I was pleased to see that I follow most of the rules that I recommended.
