Sitting with Hard Feelings is Exhausting


It’s been awhile since I put the fart humor aside (pains me to even write such a sentence), and talked about something more real, but I think it’s time.

One of my good friends, Bill Flynn, is known for saying that doing emotional work is much more exhausting than physical work.  I have found this to be true as well.

Today, I woke up at nine am, which gave me a solid nine hours of sleep.  For some reason I’m a nine hour guy.  It’s virtually impossible to do, of course, with a full-time job, this blog, the band, and a girlfriend.  I can really only crank it out on Friday and Saturday nights.

That last sentence doesn’t read too well, now that I’m thinking about it.  Screw it – not going to change.  Accidental double entendres are kind of cool in my opinion.

So, I woke up and had two bratwursts for breakfast.  I got excited last night at the grocery and had realized that I had all but forgotten bratwurst were a food.  I cooked up two last night, and two this morning.  That’s a lot of low quality meat within a twelve hour window.

When you look at it uncooked, it’s kind of gross.

Then, not surprisingly, I became tired again.  And why shouldn’t I?  I was up for a good three hours.  I laid back in bed and started checking emails, and then trying to impress comedians I follow on Twitter.

matt ruby
I burned Matt Ruby! Burned Matt Ruby good!

I received an email that really angered me.  I immediately wanted to lash out and punish this person (don’t worry friends and family, it wasn’t you), and then I realized, “Holy shit!  I’m angry!”

Usually anger to me equals action.  Since I’m so uncomfortable with my anger, I must act upon it, which usually means doing something hurtful to the person that I believe is making me angry.  Obviously this is not always a good idea, and I most times I have enough sense not to pick up the phone and start screaming the c-word.

Obviously, I would have dialed someone first, as screaming the c-word into a dial tone is not very satisfying.

Instead of action, however, I decided to go within.  I turned off my brain and went to the feeling.  Tried to sit with it, which is difficult for me.  Eventually I was transported back to other times I was angry, and eventually it turned into sadness.  Actually deep sadness, which nearly brought me to tears.  Thoughts of my ex-wife flooded me and a little kid voice screaming, “Why did you leave me?” as she walked away.  Which I totally thought I was over by now.  Awesome to realize I’m not.  Ha.

I then promptly passed out.

I awoke three hours later with my dog and cat curled up on top of me.  I started to feel shame about wasting the day, but you know what?  I’m hoping my body knew what to do.

Can you imagine me as a father?

Excuse me, children.  Daddy needs to go process anger and then fall asleep.  Here’s a DVD.  Stay away from the outlets.

I feel good now, because I did what I had never, until recently, taught myself to do – stay with the tough feelings, let my body do the work, and then go eat a bratwurst.

13 thoughts on “Sitting with Hard Feelings is Exhausting”

  1. Sonja Rois says:

    Brats always make me feel better! Their like wonder food!

  2. Sunburnt says:

    I think you’d be a great dad.

    I’ll give you a serious reply to this, since it takes guts to be so vulnerable to your readers, or anybody, for that matter. I think being vulnerable is what gets us growing over the things we hurt about. Anyway, Dr. Joy Browne says that when we play into the hands of someone who tries to drag us into drama, rather than get angry and fall right into their BS, try and pause. Know that they NEED us to go along with their manipulation because there’s a payoff for them. Don’t be the payoff. It’s not good for either of you.

    I think when you’ve gone through a divorce, most anything that upsets you will lead you back to the loss, helplessness and frustration there. It’s really hard.

    Good for you for knowing what the feelings were and not going on the attack with them right away. So you slept the day away? Sometimes you need to.

    My point is, you are DEFINITELY not the only one who’s done that.

    That’s my pop-up psychology for today!

    Loved the joke on the comic. Wonder if he did?

  3. Pish Posh says:

    Bratwurst? Who calls it that! Anyway, brats, bro (I imagine people who eat brats also say dude a lot). Brats are known to make people emotional. They’re like chocolate to women.

    You could be a good dad, just give some brats to the brats… see? Didn’t see that coming.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      @Pish Posh Good one. Seriously. (not seriously)

      1. Pish Posh says:

        @delfinparis Why are we always fighting? Why can’t we all just get along, you… brat!

  4. Shawntele says:

    Ewww gross, I can’t believe you eat those things! I do find your sense of humor refreshing though, thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  5. Shawntele says:

    No longer posting as a guest…just sayin’. Livefyre is very convincing in getting you to sign up. 😉

    1. D.J. Paris says:

      @Shawntele You should install it on your blog. It’s amazing. Also, thanks for reading! Make sure to “like” the page on Facebook (look to the right), or else I’ll make fun of you.

      1. Shawntele says:

        @delfinparis I’m not too worried, there isn’t much you could say that hasn’t already been said. 😀

        I will look into for my blog, but hated Disqus so much I am nervous to try something else. We’ll see….

      2. Dhara Mistry says:

        @Shawntele @delfinparis Hey Shawntele, if you’ve any questions for us, please don’t hesitate to let us know. We’ll be happy to help!

      3. D.J. Paris says:

        @Dhara Mistry @Shawntele I cannot recommend LiveFyre highly enough – their team is amazing.

  6. LuftigWarren says:

    This is cute. You have sweet emotions like the 11 year old girls at church.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

       @LuftigWarren  You’re nearly as funny as me.  Nearly.

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