thoughts

My First Date in Over a Year

I'm not anywhere as nervous as that broad. She looks NERVOUS. And a little nutty.

Tonight I’m going out on my first date in over a year.

Over Thanksgiving my girlfriend and I separated. We tried to make it work but it became obvious that it just wasn’t going to happen. This is a difficult thing, as is all breakups where the two people are in love. The major factor in this case was distance, I’m in Chicago and she’s in the south. She recently earned an insanely good job which basically prohibited her from moving up here. I’d rather live in Chicago and wasn’t quite willing to make the plunge to pack up my things and move. We had other issues as well, but that was the biggest one. Instead of continuing not to be able to give each other what we deserved, we’re moving on. READ MORE

I Bought Good & Plentys Without Shame

So proud.

Okay, I just figured something out. When I cut some calories to try to lose a few pounds and also hit the gym every day, I just wind up exhausted. The funny drains out of my pores around mile three on the treadmill.

I’m at that stage of a new exercise and nutrition cycle where the food deficit plus the hard running is almost to difficult to maintain in my body or mind. But it’s time. Even though I biked my ass off this year I ate whatever the hell I wanted. I haven’t moved much since the cold set in. So now I’m in the process of breaking sine bad habits. READ MORE

I Met a Two-Time Olympic Gold Medalist

Why am I holding the medal like a moron?

I got to meet a two-time Olympic gold medalist today.

A few months back I asked Brian Goodell to come speak to my sales team about motivation and having a positive attitude. I happened to come across him and thought it would be a great fit for our group. Never having met an Olympic athlete I was beyond excited. I’ve always been moved by people that achieve excellence. READ MORE

Soothe Yo’Self! (aka The Lamest Title Pun I’ve Ever Come Up With – Yes. Yes It Is)

It's tough being a soother!

Self-soothing.

This is something I am just learning. The past three years has been a journey into the feelings I avoided over my life. Since I had associated tough feelings (anger, fear, sadness) with shame, I ran fast and away each time any of them surfaced. I thought if I felt any of those it must have been my fault and I didn’t do something “right.” And sometimes, of course, that’s true. But 90% of the time it’s just natural pain we all experienced as children. Therefore, shame resulted. READ MORE

I Wrote What You Told Me (Yep, Again) Part II

The coolest animal to carry Lyme disease.

Part II – Part I was yesterday!

  • About 100% –  Bodily functions. And how they might – or should – be the end of relationships.

We’re talking about number twos here. It’s a very simple solution. Two bathrooms, each with a locking mechanism. Also a towel under the door as to not let your doody air leave the room. Also, a high powered doody-air-sucking fan. Lastly a special peppermint scented doody-eliminating candle. Also a doody air timer. The timer is going to tell you when the air in the bathroom stops smelling like peppermint doody and just like peppermint. There you go – relationship saved. READ MORE

I Wrote What You Told Me (Yep, Again)

It’s that time once every few weeks where I realize I have nothing to write about and pimp out my readers for some ideas. Here’s what you suggested

Doritos are the Skittles of the chip world. The first twenty six are delicious. The twenty seventh one will make you keel over. Hard. And when I grew up there were only two kinds, the Nacho Cheesier and the Cool Ranch. Two was enough. Sometimes you wanted tang (insert bad joke here) and sometimes you wanted cheese. They were equally good and equally destroyed your breath. Also, you can’t read eating these chips. You will destroy that leatherbound version of Moby Dick that, like me, you have on your bookshelf to impress people. So who cares I don’t know who Queequeg is? You don’t either. READ MORE

Stuff That Just Entered My Mind Tonight

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You about ready for cutest thing you’ve read all day?

My friend Suzanne and I (that I’ve known since the fifth grade) pick a movie on Friday nights and then both download it. She lives in Dallas, I’m in Chicago. We watch it and send texts to each other throughout the film. I will complete your next thought – yes, right after the movie I go and shave my vagina. READ MORE