Okay, I just figured something out. When I cut some calories to try to lose a few pounds and also hit the gym every day, I just wind up exhausted. The funny drains out of my pores around mile three on the treadmill.
I’m at that stage of a new exercise and nutrition cycle where the food deficit plus the hard running is almost to difficult to maintain in my body or mind. But it’s time. Even though I biked my ass off this year I ate whatever the hell I wanted. I haven’t moved much since the cold set in. So now I’m in the process of breaking sine bad habits.
I’m currently on the subway racking my brain to bring the funny. I can’t hardly stand much less find the energy to entertain you.
But let’s try anyway.
The last time I went to the grocery store I vowed to pick up one item that is embarrassing and not feel shame about it. I wasn’t sure what it was going to be. I figured I would surprise myself. In the past if I was picking something like four bags of SunChips (one for each flavor) I would quickly put them in my cart and spread them out so that at a cursory glance it didn’t look like I’m mega carb loading on crap.
But the SunChips weren’t on sale. None of the chips were. That’s the bummer in Chicago. Food is never on sale.
That time, however, candy was on special.
First I love how there’s such a thing as “Theatre Candy” – these are the boxes of stuff like Mike & Ike’s, Milk Duds, and Sugar Babies. First, I had a subscription to a high end theatre here. Whip out a box of Reeces Pieces during the first act of a Mamet play and it’ll sound like you’re a new ager playing a rain stick. Everyone around you will be thinking, “Well, I never!” and all that other high class “Screw you!” language. The actors will even fire a look in your direction. Then you have to pretend it wasn’t you but the dude that came in jeans one row in front.
I know the grocery store really means “Movie Candy” but it doesn’t sound as debonair.
Movie candy was 10/$10. That’s a deal, people.
So I chose the worst movie candy of them all. A candy guaranteed to offend and delight equally. I estimate 70% of this world would choose to not have this candy even in the same room as other candy.
Yes, I’m talking about Good & Plenty. I don’t understand why everyone hates these delicious candy treats. There is no middle ground. You either despise them or love them. And despite candy we can all agree sucks (Whoppers, Mounds bars, Popcorn Jelly Bellies) nothing is more heated than a Good & Plenty argument. They’re the brussel sprout of candy.
Well, even though I love them I’m normally ashamed to put them in my basket (I legitimately hide them under the spinach), tonight I walked proud. I put them on the top with an air about me that were to suggest, “No, I’m not going to the opera tonight. I’m heading home to make dinner and this is my dessert. Yes, Good & Plentys are my dessert!”
While this is a relative small victory for my self-esteem, it did have an affect on my mood. I was all bummed out at the beginning of this post. Now I’m ready to take on the world, one white and pink candy at a time.
This post was remarkably silly.
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