You about ready for cutest thing you’ve read all day?
My friend Suzanne and I (that I’ve known since the fifth grade) pick a movie on Friday nights and then both download it. She lives in Dallas, I’m in Chicago. We watch it and send texts to each other throughout the film. I will complete your next thought – yes, right after the movie I go and shave my vagina.
This post will not fall under the general hilarity that is my regular musing wit.
I am in a funk tonight. I had an exhausting (but good) day at work. Something incredibly shitty happened at the end that sent me off into a rage. As someone that has avoided his feelings most of his life I do not yet handle extremes well. Things like anger and sadness and fear hit me very hard. In the past I never learned how to sit or tolerate them. I learned that the best thing to do was to run from them.
I went out today to buy a cat-pee tarp.
My cat Pantaloons has a problem with inappropriate elimination. I’ve written about it on this blog at least a dozen times. Over the years I’ve tried a number of solutions including rubbing Prozac in her ears. Every so often, no matter what, she pees on my comforter or clothes left on the ground. After a lot of research online I’ve determined that this is probably just a brain glitch that can’t be corrected. If I’m wrong and one day I find a solution, awesome.
This morning I received an interview request from the Chicago Tribune.
Since I’m always in search of external validation I was excited that someone felt it was important to talk with me. About me.
If you’re not familiar with Chicago, the Tribune is our flagship newspaper and one of the ten biggest in the country. The have real reporters and probably an ombudsman. They’re the real deal. I announced at work that they sent me a message to interview me. Just the other day an obscene t-shirt manufacturer reached out to me asking to help promote their clothing line. They said to pick any t-shirt I wanted for free. I also had practically yelled this at work. Nobody was impressed.
I’m about to change your life.
Now, that’s a pretty bold claim. You are right to doubt. Many charlatans will separate you and your money with such proclamations!
I want nothing other than your attention. Well, actually, down the road I will want your money when I write a book, or come out with a line of crappy t-shirts and sports bras.
Last time I left you, I had just explained to my forgetful father that I was bringing Jessica home for Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
A woman I had never spent even a second with in mutual physical presence.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
