The fantastic and funny AimingLow published one of my stories that I rewrote and polished.
AimingLow Published My Nonsense!
It's like seeing a female version of myself. That's very sexy.
thoughts
I Got a F***ing Pedicure!
Being totally normal
A few weeks back I showed photos of my shameful feet. My toes, specifically. Actually one toe.
The big monster spear toe. The second one from the inside.
If you didn’t read that post – click here and prepare to get fouled out.
While Jessica The Reader (aka Jessica) was in town this weekend, she forced me to get a pedicure.
I Support One Of Our Troops!
Still better than a Charleston Chew.
Well… sort of.
One of my first readers, Karen, became very special to me when I started writing regularly. The reason?
She made me feel like I was doing something good for our county.
Karen is in the Air Guard and over in Afghanistan doing the things that troops do during a war. She works on planes and wrenches most of the day. I was sort of disappointed that she didn’t control predator drones dropping bombs on people she disliked, but whatever.
TechnicallyIPostedToday
This counts, people.
I just finished a seven person dinner party. I cooked a 15 lb turkey. No gravy – gravy is for pussies who don’t know how to cook a turkey.
Okay, going to bed. Exhausted.
Most amazing post ever, D.J.!
Jessica Is Coming (Not Literally)
This is what I saw when I woke up this morning.
This weekend Jessica aka Jessica The Reader is coming for a visit.
If you’re new to the site, you may want to read the back story of how we met.
I’d like to mention a golden move she made in preparation of this trip.
Hey, since I haven’t yet met all your friends, let’s throw a dinner party at your place!
Performing Live – What Goes On In My Mind
We're good AND quite handsome! Our mothers tell us so.
TheNumbers, our band, is performing live tomorrow night here in Chicago. Just in case you happen to be local, we’re playing at Silvie’s in Lakeview and go on at 10:30pm.
For the rest of you who don’t give a shit, please keep reading.
Where Do You Live? Tell Me Now!
Admit it - you've never once watched this show.
In the past two days I got a few emails that made me laugh. The first was from a reader in Scotland. She told me she likes me because my “humour” is different from the Scots, and essentially way better.
But what about all the amazing Scottish comedians we worship? You know, um… well… hmm. Isn’t Craig Ferguson from Scotland? He’s sort of funny.
I’m Hosting a Dinner Party and Need To Clean The Condo
Bums are gonna look awesome in my sweater vests.
Here’s my thought…
How can I clean my place just enough not to let anyone know just how disgusting I live?
I’m a master at cutting corners when it comes to sanitation. Nobody knows better how to kick things under beds, toss shit into closets and you pray are not opened, and use what magicians call misdirection. A good example of misdirection is shining up the granite counter tops or waxing the hardwood, all while where the baseboards are caked in cat hair and dead skin cells.
Would Really Like to Take the Day Off Of Writing
Cans are for pussies.
After 44 days of straight blogging, I’m pretty wiped out.
I am so drained of anything funny that I’m searching any and all memories trying to scrounge up something to write about. The truth is, I’m stressed about money. This is incredibly embarrassing but I’m really really low on funds. For the first time in my life.
