When I’m on vacation with my family my immaturity reaches an all time high.
I revert back into childhood and jokewriting becomes a way to see how many puns I can funnel into a benign conversation. Because puns elicit groans (most of the time) I work on my delivery to try to sneak them into regular chit chat. It’s a little game I play with myself.
From time to time I get writer’s block and take to Twitter and Facebook for ideas. Here they are…
Let’s talk about window blinds – first of all, totally not necessary. We’re not vampires. You should be able to handle a little light peeking in from the sun at 6am. I sleep right through it like a man. Next – privacy. If you aren’t comfortable with the outside world seeing your bedroom antics, you’re probably doing something illegal. Take down the sex swing. I have blinds on all my windows and have never once used them. In fact even when I’m nude I don’t. I’m comfortable with my imperfect and, at times, unsightly body.
My father is turning sixty-six tomorrow.
Yesterday he did the cutest thing. He called me to tell me he just ordered the Samsung Note 2 – the exact same phone I have. I had been talking up how great it is a few weeks back and he must have been listening. This is interesting because my father is not very technologically savvy. He’s no Luddite, but not exactly writing php in his spare time. He’s a dad. You know – types with two fingers, still doesn’t understand that Internet Explorer isn’t the internet. Heck – still uses Internet Explorer.
I’ve wanted to write about my control issues for a long time, but I was never sure how to articulate it effectively.
I’m still wholly unsure.
In fact, I have no idea how this thing is going to turn out, and I’m massively insecure about it. Oh well. I can always go back to stories about falling through glass tables.
I turned thirty-seven yesterday.
Here’s a few thoughts I had on the bike ride home from work, reflecting on my life…
I found a great expression to get you out of most any trouble. This is especially useful at work. Next time you screw something up and you’re called to the carpet, simply respond with, “It was my understanding that…” You can then follow those words with any string of nonsense you choose. Nobody will call you out on your understanding. I notice politicians do this every week on Meet the Press. “Boss, it was my understanding that banging the interns was encouraged. Did I have that wrong?” See? You can’t punish a guy when he talks with that verbal jujitsu. Now, thank me, and let’s move on.
Holy jumping Jesusfish! It’s been over four months since I let you promote your crappy blog on my crappy blog!
And it’s time, like that ridiculous phoenix everyone talks about metaphorically (but nobody actually knows the story) and rise from the ashes.
In my longest interview to date, I interview the brilliant Neil Kramer, screenwriter and longtime blogger. We talk about all aspects of blogging. Just listen – it’s worth it!
I’ve got four weeks to lose ten pounds.
My father on Easter Sunday, during brunch, asked me how much I weighed. I clock in at just a hair under 6’3″. I get away with a little extra weight as it evenly proportions on my body as it gains. Well, my metabolism has finally caught up with the rest of the bozos my age. I can get fat just like you.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
