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On Vacation! (Probably)

This guy's facial expression (and facial hair) are alarming.

Since I started this blog, I’ve written over 269k words. 90% of that came last year when I didn’t miss a day of posting. I followed that through to this year and made it day 403 without a miss. And I just about collapsed creatively.

It’s time to recharge the batteries. This will give me the time needed to do some fun things like finish my best-of book, focus on the podcast (which is going strong), and learn how to throw knives at that rotating circular thing with the hot chick in a scantily clad outfit as she twirls around. READ MORE

I Just Ate One Month Old Meatballs – A Confession

The evidence

Today I decided to throw open the sash of fear known as my freezer. I haven’t the foggiest what’s in there, and, now that I think about it, everything in there is actually foggy.

I have pounds of deli sliced turkey from back in October, never touched. There’s a Lean Cuisine something or other – the box is covered in frost. This is especially awesome since it must have been from my ex-wife and she hasn’t lived here in three years. I have, for some reason, some low-cal tortillas, a pint of Breyer’s, what I believe is beef tenderloin, some ice packs (have never used an ice pack in my life), a sleep mask (also never used), and various other meats, cheeses, and vegetables. READ MORE

“Stay”cations are Depressing

This was the silliest image of a dreaming vacation I could find.

So, my writing streak may be coming to an end.

I’m getting burned out on posting every day. It’s becoming harder and harder to bring the funny and vulnerable. I really thought I could go on forever. But with a weekly podcast, a best-of book, a new book, daily job, and now dating, I’m like a fanny – wiped. I believe this is my 402nd straight day of writing. READ MORE

I Broke My Phone! (but kept my ID)

Michelle hasn't sent over the photos of us at dinner, so you just get me at dinner for now. Lucky you.

One of my best friends, Michelle, called me late afternoon.

Hey, I’m flying to the Chicago. I’m in the air – doing a commercial for WalMart. Let’s hang out!

I was thrilled. I hadn’t seen her in over a year yet we talk every week. During my divorce and other hard times, she’s been there. And I was introduced to her through my blog. She was a reader and now we’re very close. Had I not started this blog I wouldn’t have met her. READ MORE

Noa Gavin – The League of Funny Bitches – Bloggers are Weird Podcast

Blogger and comedian Noa Gavin stop by Bloggers are Weird to talk about how most bloggers aren’t actually funny, how we’re both devastated by Hyperbole and a Half, and how to “yes and” while doing improv.

  • Via  iTunes
  • Zune or Blackberry store (just search)
  • Via Android device – download your favorite podcast app and add the feed -> http://bloggersareweird.com/feed
  • Visit the  official Bloggers are Weird website
  • Watch via YouTube below

Coming up next week – Me on Me! READ MORE

Women’s Feet, Dressing Up Man-Parts, and Drunken Karoake

I love the jean skirt - more aptly titled the "jirt." WE NEED MORE JIRTS LADIES.

About once a week I hit writer’s block. It’s then I rely upon your genius to firestart my creativity. Here’s the Facebook suggestions.

  • Willow C – cats in drawers

There’s simply nothing cuter. Well, unless the cat confuses the drawer with her litter box as my socks could tell you. Since the infusion of nightly gel Prozac into my cat’s ears she hasn’t peed outside the box in over two months. But if I leave that sock drawer open I’m risking Pandora’s Box. Oh, so once my cat peed on some papers I had on my counter top. Well, they were really important papers and I had to bring them to work the next day. Even now they sit on my desk still stained yellow. And yes, they stink. I’m not kidding. READ MORE

The Support Group I’m Trying to Save

On a completely unrelated note - here's a shot of Al Pacino starring in the Phil Spector biopic. How damned amazing does this look?

When my wife called me on a Wednesday and told me she had filed for divorce, I didn’t know what to do.

I went into shock. My biggest fear had become realized. Even though she had not mentioned the word divorce any our past therapy sessions in hindsight there were signs she was planning an escape. I just didn’t think the prison break would come that particular Wednesday. It was cowardly to do without mentioning to me in advance, and I was angry. I was also terrified. I felt like a failure. I needed to do something fast. READ MORE

I’ve Always Gone For the Makeout – A Confession

Well... not like these lame Roman Gods. Cooler ones with arrows and thunderbolts and big fists and stuff.

I’m thirty-six and I never learned how to date.

Back in high school when first dates were innocent and slow I assumed I was too ugly to attract a woman. (insert reader sob here. Wait… Did you actually sob? If not, go back and re-read. I want sobbing, dammit!) I did go on one date, but that was it. Other than a random kissing session, that was all I had. READ MORE