In the past few weeks, traffic has really jumped and I wanted to say thanks. You’ve probably noticed comments have picked up and I’m glad you’re all talking.
Also, if you’re new, back in January I committed to writing every day. After that ended, I decided to just keep going. I think today is around day 88 or so.
Obviously, I don’t expect you to read everything. You’d have to have borderline personality disorder to do that. Some of you do. It’s okay, because I love attention from anyone.
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I feel like I should leave you with something with a little entertainment value. Hmm… Let’s see.
In my current relationship I immediately apologize for imperfect behavior. If I don’t provide my girlfriend with something she needs, I say, “I’m sorry – I’ll try harder.” And what she asks for is totally reasonable stuff. She’s not insecure or crazy. And a lot of women say, “Wow – she’s so lucky that you acknowledge what you can do to improve. My husband would never own his crap!”
And I understand how that may seem attractive, but I’m not sure it’s much better. See, I know what to do, and I just often don’t do it. As an imperfect being, this is okay, but how many times can you apologize for something before the other partner starts thinking, “He’s apologized forty-seven times for this, yet he’s never actually done anything to change it.”
This is where I get stuck. I’m great at the apology. I’m the first to fire off a sincere, “Hey, I totally hear your truth and I honor it. I can do better, and I’m sorry for X.” And, I’m no pussy. Women don’t walk over me. But when I fuck up, I have to admit and make amends. It’s the next step that’s hard – actually doing something.
Ha – I wrote an entire article without one joke. Maybe this wasn’t entertaining. I’m sorry, and I’ll do better tomorrow. (see what I did there?)
Sonja Rois says:
My boyfriend does the apologizing for the same thing over and over thing too. Thankfully it’s never anything I can’t get over on my own because he says he will change whatever he did, but never does. I get him back by repeating, again, “Your apology is falling on deaf ears. You’re not really sorry if you keep doing it. If you were REALLY sorry, you would stop doing it. If for nothing else, than so you didn’t have to apologize again.” It’s probably a bit too hard on him, and I know he still won’t change whatever it is, but still love him, no matter how many times I hear him say he’s sorry. He may not change that thing he did/said, but I realize that it is one of those things that make him who he is and I have to accept that about him. And I do.
CrazyTragicAlmostMagic says:
Haha. Kitty! Nah, it’s true. You can say you’re sorry until you’re blue in the face. That’s easy. Actually changing is where
People have trouble. Men and women.
Jessica_thereader says:
I guess it all boils down to trust. It takes a lot of courage to ask for what you need and when the person you are in a relationship with says that they understand your need and that they will give what you are asking for – and then they don’t, that damages the trust in the relationship.
I can also say (at least this is true for me) that when I ask for something I need, in general it is important enough that I feel like the relationship will not continue to grow without it. So at that point the other person makes a choice –
MissBatman24 says:
My husband apologizes AND changes his behavior (eventually). I must have won the cosmic lottery when I found him.
D.J. Paris says:
@MissBatman24 No, HE won the lottery! He! (just trying to win you over as a fan)