So Now I Use Rogaine

dj rogaine
Yes, I finally took a photo of myself in the mirror using my phone. I must be the only person ever to do this clothed.

Back in April the woman that cuts my hair dropped the hammer.

She suggested we start to leave my hair a little longer on top. I was really excited for this news because I was gearing up for a funky new summer ‘do. Turns out it was because my hair is thinning. Now, since that post went live she has gone to great lengths (get it?!) to tell me I’m exaggerating and that I’m not losing my hair. It’s just not as thick and luxurious as it was three years back. But if it’s not as thick that means there are few strands. Ergo, I’m losing hair.

Now, I’m not going to argue with Ashley. She’s a beauty queen. I let hot chicks say whatever they want. Plus, I’m no hair doctor. I don’t know how it works. Maybe the follicles are getting narrower or some shit.

Either way I didn’t really pay attention until this weekend. I was heading out and needed to fix the hair. I threw a dab of this molding creme and started moving the hair this way and that for ten seconds.

Then I saw it.

The light from above my childhood bathroom vanity shone down onto my hair. However, it went past the hair and touched skull. Yes, light touched skull.

To say that I needed smelling salts to revive me would be an exaggeration. I didn’t even faint. I did, however, brace myself against the counter and lean into the mirror for a closer look.

Okay, so it turned out not to be a bald spot. The hair just was set in a weird direction thanks to the gel. But, my hair always turns in funky directions. I could have been in a boy band with this hair. I wouldn’t have been one of the guys who sings well or dances. I would have been the introspective, brooding one staring off into the ether while the other four did their choreographed megaworm box-step. The new-cool-for-school boy band guy.

I’ve been looking at my hair for a long time. This is first where I had ever seen a decent chunk of my melon. I knew it was time to take action.

My father has been using Rogaine for ten years. He stopped recently because it doesn’t actually work for him anymore. I did a little research online to make sure minoxidil does not cause Smelly Dick Syndrome (SDS), and I then I got online to place an order. My dad went upstairs and hooked me up with a three month supply from his private stash.

So now I take this eye dropper (eh… hair dropper) thing and drip hair growth goodness on my skull twice a day. It is funny to watch and I’m not happy about it, but it’s time to face facts. Balder and fatter. It’s happening. My back hair, though – no problem keeping that growing.

One fun thing you can do with back and shoulder hair. Shave it all and wait seven days. Then rub your hands over it for the spiny prickles. Now, run around the apartment yelling, “I’m a porcupine! I’m a porcupine!”

So, I’ll be Rogaine’ing it until the day I day, I guess. I think you have to keep going or it all falls out like a month later. I’ve taken the plunge. Will I film myself putting the solution onto my head so you can see it stream down the side of my face and then upload it here on the blog? You know I will.

dj rogaine
Yes, I finally took a photo of myself in the mirror using my phone. I must be the only person ever to do this clothed.