I Made a Cat Fancy Reference in this Post

cat litter
Grape Nuts or cat litter? (hint - it's not Grape Nuts)

I didn’t think I would have to write tonight as an interview I did with a UK radio station was broadcast live. I assumed it would go up on YouTube immediately after because I’m that important.

Well, just a few minutes back realized I missed not only the broadcast but that it wouldn’t magically go on Youtube seconds later. I need to write. So here I am. With nothing.

I’m going to start tonight by formally announcing that my cat is back on Prozac. I kind of did a dick move whilst on holiday (British people say weird stuff!) by leaving her alone for five days. She had the run of the house and tons of food and water but no human interaction. I forgot to set up having someone come over once a day to play with her.

No, wait. That’s not true. The reason I didn’t have anyone come over is because I believe my house smells like cat pee. I won’t go through the whole cat-pee saga, as I’ve spoke to it ad nauseum. Basically, though, I need a cleaning crew to really nail this place. Then I’m going over it with a blacklight to find cat water. I just haven’t done it yet.

When I got home the cat was excited. So excited she peed four, yes four, times not in her litter box during the course of the evening. I won’t get into details because I still fill up with rage thinking about it. However, I didn’t blame or shame her. I mean, I was gone for five days. I’m willing to take two just because she was probably mad at me, but four is a little excessive.

I called my ex-wife earlier today and asked her what med options are available and what I should do. Can’t punt the cat as she and the dog are best pals. Can’t get her another cat to play with during the day – this may solve if she’s lonely or make her pee more to mark territory. Christina gave me a well-respected cat behaviorist to go see. Other than the Prozac there isn’t much on the med side you can do. She said it’s possible to inject Valium, but most vets aren’t going to be keen on handing out that script.

I also ordered a cat calming collar, refills on that Feliaway plug-in pheremone thing, and a crazy looking toy to keep her busy while I’m at work.

My new routine is this – as soon as I get home I use DaBird, which is a stick and  a bunch of feathers on it. You swing it back and forth and it flies like a actual bird. Cats go crazy for this thing, and it activates their prey instinct which is important. Then I rub the Prozac into her ears which she hates quite a bit.

The bottom line is I’m committed to solving this cat’s pee problem. She’sa  sweet and loving cat and purrs if you just walk over to her. She licks the dog’s neck and back every night and curls up with me while I sleep. All in all a great cat. If she just could limit herself to peeing in the bathtub I would probably nominate her for Cat Fancy‘s mothly “Prettiest Perfect Pussy” award. Oh wait, I may be getting that confused with another magazine. My mistake.

Since cat pee smells so bad on its own, I’m wondering if asparagus has the opposite effect. Instead of making it smell like you’re dying from the inside, perhaps asparagus neutralizes cat odor. And, if I remember all the Animal Planet I used to watch stoned as a teenager, I’m pretty sure that cat’s love eating green vegetables. I’ll steam the asparagus first, though. I’m not a monster.

Well, there was the post. And before you send me a stop with the cat pee posts already! email, please realize it’s midnight and I didn’t think I was doing anything other than having you push play and listen to a grown man make fun of the Swiss and English on-air.

Thanks for reading.

cat litter
Grape Nuts or cat litter? (hint – it’s not Grape Nuts)

photo credit: mynikfoto via photopin cc