I didn’t think I would have to write tonight as an interview I did with a UK radio station was broadcast live. I assumed it would go up on YouTube immediately after because I’m that important.
Well, just a few minutes back realized I missed not only the broadcast but that it wouldn’t magically go on Youtube seconds later. I need to write. So here I am. With nothing.
I’m going to start tonight by formally announcing that my cat is back on Prozac. I kind of did a dick move whilst on holiday (British people say weird stuff!) by leaving her alone for five days. She had the run of the house and tons of food and water but no human interaction. I forgot to set up having someone come over once a day to play with her.
No, wait. That’s not true. The reason I didn’t have anyone come over is because I believe my house smells like cat pee. I won’t go through the whole cat-pee saga, as I’ve spoke to it ad nauseum. Basically, though, I need a cleaning crew to really nail this place. Then I’m going over it with a blacklight to find cat water. I just haven’t done it yet.
When I got home the cat was excited. So excited she peed four, yes four, times not in her litter box during the course of the evening. I won’t get into details because I still fill up with rage thinking about it. However, I didn’t blame or shame her. I mean, I was gone for five days. I’m willing to take two just because she was probably mad at me, but four is a little excessive.
I called my ex-wife earlier today and asked her what med options are available and what I should do. Can’t punt the cat as she and the dog are best pals. Can’t get her another cat to play with during the day – this may solve if she’s lonely or make her pee more to mark territory. Christina gave me a well-respected cat behaviorist to go see. Other than the Prozac there isn’t much on the med side you can do. She said it’s possible to inject Valium, but most vets aren’t going to be keen on handing out that script.
I also ordered a cat calming collar, refills on that Feliaway plug-in pheremone thing, and a crazy looking toy to keep her busy while I’m at work.
My new routine is this – as soon as I get home I use DaBird, which is a stick and a bunch of feathers on it. You swing it back and forth and it flies like a actual bird. Cats go crazy for this thing, and it activates their prey instinct which is important. Then I rub the Prozac into her ears which she hates quite a bit.
The bottom line is I’m committed to solving this cat’s pee problem. She’sa sweet and loving cat and purrs if you just walk over to her. She licks the dog’s neck and back every night and curls up with me while I sleep. All in all a great cat. If she just could limit herself to peeing in the bathtub I would probably nominate her for Cat Fancy‘s mothly “Prettiest Perfect Pussy” award. Oh wait, I may be getting that confused with another magazine. My mistake.
Since cat pee smells so bad on its own, I’m wondering if asparagus has the opposite effect. Instead of making it smell like you’re dying from the inside, perhaps asparagus neutralizes cat odor. And, if I remember all the Animal Planet I used to watch stoned as a teenager, I’m pretty sure that cat’s love eating green vegetables. I’ll steam the asparagus first, though. I’m not a monster.
Well, there was the post. And before you send me a stop with the cat pee posts already! email, please realize it’s midnight and I didn’t think I was doing anything other than having you push play and listen to a grown man make fun of the Swiss and English on-air.
Thanks for reading.
JanineHuldie1 says:
You are making me mighty glad I don’t have a cat. Seriously potty training two little girls enough of job fro me when it comes to others bodily functions. great post as always PAris and hope that you get the cat pee situation under control!
Julie DeNeen says:
I’m sorry..I love cats. I have three..but I would NOT deal with that. You are a seriously committed pet owner. 🙂
Gwennie says:
Nearly pissed myself on the “Prettiest Perfect Pussy” comment. You are so bad. And that is why I adore you. PS — as the hubs would say, maybe you just need to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal?!?!? HAHAHHAHHAHA! LOL
Natalie the Singingfool says:
You’re a better owner than I am.
Meetmyhusband says:
Ugh, that’s terrible! My parents’ dog pees submissively, and I always thought that was ridiculous. Their house doesn’t smell; unfortunately for you, I think cat pee is more pungent than dogs’ (not that I’ve done an extensive study). Good luck with the asparagus!
amyjanie says:
You need a big jug of vinegar and a spray bottle. Mix the vinegar with water…add some peppermint essential oil and get to spraying the pee spots. It smells hideous at first, but neutralizes the scent in a couple of minutes. Trust me. No unhealthy chemicals and it’s cheap. I had a cat…nicknamed piss boy…wonderful pet except for his “problem.”
Good luck! 🙂
Barbergirl28 says:
Nothing worse than cat pee… I once house sat for a friend who had a cat. We left for a good portion of the day. Obviously the cat was already mad at the owners for abandoning him already. Well, when I did the same it got really mad. Not only did it do it’s business in my overnight bag, but it also managed to aim it at my toothpaste. Needless to say, I am not a fan of cats.
KateHall says:
When are we going to hear the interview? I’m curious now. And you’re too nice to that freaking cat. Although, I suppose I was no different with mine before she disappeared. I admire you for saying your committed to your cat. I never said that. I was always hoping someone who loved the smell of cat urine would just take her. Instead, a coyote did.
Katjaneway says:
I actually think Jackson Galaxy is stationed in Chicago…. lol I tried the plug in once because my cat loved to scratch the side of our bed at night while we slept. Unfortunately, because it wasn’t a hormone problem but a “I need food and attention” problem, it didn’t help one bit. He finally stopped doing it a few months ago (it’s been probably 4-5 years now) because it took that long to train – not only my husband and myself not to react, but our cat to realize that nothing, not even a scream or a foot movement was going to come from scratching the end of the bed. I believe that even a foot kick to scare him away was “positive reinforcement” for him. Extremely hard to wake up to him ripping apart my bed sheets and not do or say anything about it. >_<
Shell says:
OMG…this reminds me of time hubby and I were camping for a week (not to far away) at a lake. I came home every day to make sure animals were ok and visit with them…well when hubby and I came home one of my cats jumped up on the recliner looked at us and peed, he did the same to the other recliner. He was mad at us for being gone all week (even though I came home for several hours everyday to be with them) and got revenge by doing this. He never did it again because we learned our lesson and did not stay gone for a week again.
Jennifer says:
I bet your entire house is saturated by that unforgiving toxic cloud (cat pee). That’s too bad. Unfortunately, as a real estate agent , I’ve seen this problem a few times that it affected other unit owners in a condo building. What a costly nightmare. Maybe Tony Robbins has a solution!
Cindy says:
I can sympathize. Cat urine and hardwood floors do not mix. I agree the vinegar is a great neutralizer. My cat had the same problem until x-rays showed she had bladder stones. After surgery she was fine. Talk to your vet!