One of my goals for 2013 is to write a book.
This is something that brings up a lot of fear in my body. Over the past year I’ve had a few publishers reach out. Not publishers like Simon and Schuster or Random House. Smaller shops that probably just saw that I was number one for “best blogs” and figured I’d be a good revenue source.
Well, since I’m not #1 on Google anymore those conversations have dried up.
This is actually a good thing since I haven’t the foggiest about what to write, even today. Sure I can crank out 500-700 words on something benign that happened to me throughout the day, like how earlier I wanted to take a bath but our condo’s heater isn’t working right and I had forgotten and the bathtub didn’t quite get hot enough but I had already undressed and so I had to redress and it was all very depressing.
I’m like a quarter horse – good in short bursts. But a whole book? All together I’ve pumped out 214k words on this blog thus far. Most novels are around 70k words.
So, I’m thinking back to the short burst model.
Smaller books on singular topics. Like, D.J. Tackles Fishing (oh, what a glorious pun!).
Note – I’ve been fishing three times in my life and each time the hook-in-worm thing made me sad.
I’ve also had a lot of success asking you what I should write. Some of my favorite posts have been where you’ve tweeted or Facebook’ed me ideas and I’ve cranked out short essays.
Ooh.. what if I just took suggestions from Hispanics and called it Essays from Eses. I can’t be the first one to come up with that. But if so, it’s mine and you can’t have it!
One of my thoughts was to have a series called, Suggested by Bozos – Written By D.J. To my knowledge, this would be a publishing first. To write essays that you command. But, I’m not sure anyone would buy it. I suspect if the content was strong, you would.
Anyway, I have a few things to figure out. By the way, if you hadn’t already noticed I jammed my most five read stories into one format for ebook, pdf, and kindle readers. It’s on the right. Just fire off your email and you’ll receive it.
While I’ve never cared to have a book in a bookstore, I would like to have something larger than just these posts. Plus, to hit you up for $2.99 a book will help keep my American Girl addiction active. I just learned that was a real thing, by the way. I had no idea even though I’ve walked by the store on Michigan Avenue a hundred times. I’m not having a daughter because of this. I think you can command the sex by the way a woman positions herself during coitus. Need to read up.
Just like while writing a post every day of the year hasn’t made my life complete, it has encouraged me to keep pushing the pen across the notepad. Plus it gets out all the stuff that used to stay in my head. And we all know how important those musings have been. Really super important.
So, please, encourage me to get this thing done. Since I’m publishing myself I have a whole bunch of wacky ideas like A Guide To Dating D.J. – Even Though I’m Not Single, You Still Should Know This Stuff.
I love being a moron.
YoungmanBrown says:
I’m right there with you about writing in short bursts. Sometimes I start writing and then all of the sudden I just
D.J. Paris says:
YoungmanBrown you just what? What? WHAT?!!!!
G_Bingley says:
A) You should totally do this. And it’s NANO so get started now!B) The Dating Guide sounds awesome and something I’d totally buy even though you’re not single. :-DC) I think the only way that pic would be creepier is if it was a REAL baby in a wedding dress. Really, just picturing it my head made me go “What the fuck is that about? Who would do that to an infant?” before I remembered technically I did. At least in my head.
G_Bingley says:
My thoughts: A) You should totally do this! And its NANO so get started now! B) I would totally buy the Dating Guide even though you’re not single. It sounds hilarious 😀 C) The only way that pic would be creepier would be if it was a real baby in a wedding dress. Just imagining that made my brain go “WTF??? Who would do that to an infant?” before it remembered that I did. I mean in my head, I’ve never put an actual baby in a wedding dress.
D.J. Paris says:
G_Bingley Yeah, I missed the whole NaNo thing. But I pump out 18k words a month minimum anyway. 🙂
2013 – that’s my goal!
inthemomlight says:
Hmm… Maybe once you’re done with your daily posts for 2012, you can channel all of that energy into a book. I think you should write about your divorce struggles… that would be something relatable to 50% of America’s adults apparently. You could write the way things were, how it went down, and your journey to find peace with yourself. What you think?
D.J. Paris says:
inthemomlight You’re right! I should talk about the divorce. Not a bad idea at all! I should call it “Thank God the C**t’s Gone!”
Kidding – my ex-wife is a delight. She texted me two jokes about her cats today. But I might write about it!
Kerstin Auer says:
If your strength is in writing short essays, then why not go with that? Could be a mixture of creative fiction, non-fiction… Could be a fictitious advice column for getting a divorce…
I’ve written three non-fiction books (travel & immigration guides) and it’s exhausting. Just the thought of coming up with a story line and developing that for 70k words… a huge project to go from blogging to that – but a challenge as well!
D.J. Paris says:
Kerstin Auer Ooh, I like these ideas! Just out of curiosity the phrases “story line” and “travel book” seem like an odd pair. 🙂
Kerstin Auer says:
tfpHumorBlog lol – I guess that’s why I don’t write novels. I can’t even get people to understand comments I leave on blogs….
I meant I write non-fiction because I find the thought of coming up with a story line and maintaining that for 70k word exhausting.
I actually do have story lines in the last travel book I just finished, but they only have to “last” for one chapter… It’s a book about highlights of travel in Western Canada and each chapter has a little background story associated with the destination.
sixyearitch says:
Let’s pump each other up! This is my goal for 2013, too. I am halfway done a kickass writing serious that I can turn into an e-book, but it will start as an email series. But for all of 2013 I am done dicking around with all the other stuff and I am focusing on writing. In 2013, my writing will be featured in a real deal book and I’m in the BlogHer Voices of the Year e-Book, so this is the eventual progression to awesomeness.
If you want to do essays, do that. Writing should be comfortable, so if you already know what works then that’s half the battle. If I could suggest a topic: Why do you take so many baths?
D.J. Paris says:
sixyearitch Oh, speaking of – I’m starting a podcast and totally going to interview you. I haven’t come up with the title yet but it’s going to be me interviewing bloggers. I think I’ll poll their audience for stuff they want to know about you. I’m fleshing out the idea here in the next few weeks. MommyWantsVodka, Cecily, and Liz from FlourishinProgress are already on board. Going to be fun.
CathyPWBelyea says:
i am here to encourage you to write the book, however, what did you mean by being #1 on Google? how does that happen? let me know if you have time…thanks
D.J. Paris says:
CathyPWBelyea Ha – I just wrote a piece on this a few days back (from 11/18). You can read about it there. Basically, I scammed my way to the top. Was awesome.
KateHall says:
Write it. I’ll buy it.
D.J. Paris says:
KateHall One buyer guaranteed!!!
AngusMcMahan says:
I don’t think I would buy a book from someone who would use the phrase “my most five read stories” in a blog post.
D.J. Paris says:
AngusMcMahan Ha. You’re not wrong to think this way.
Natalie the Singingfool says:
I will support this as long as it supports your American Girl doll collection.
D.J. Paris says:
Natalie the Singingfool I have my eye on Kindergarten Cutie #5. This is not what it sounds like.
Anthrofashnyst says:
@jkcallas @tfpHumorBlog Wow, go for it! what’s the topic?!
D.J. Paris says:
Anthrofashnyst “Chicks – What’s the Deal?”
That was the worst title I could think about in two seconds. Seriously, I’m not sure what I’ll write about. Probably something to do with me.
Debbie Doglady says:
Good luck with your book. Am enjoying your blog. Wish I had more time to devote to these pursuits. One day!
D.J. Paris says:
Debbie Doglady Don’t worry about the pursuits. Just keep reading my blog. It’s what’s most important.
Debbie Doglady says:
tfpHumorBlog Debbie Doglady
For you perhaps. 😉 I have other ideas.