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I Solved The Sweating Problem A Year Ago • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

I Solved The Sweating Problem A Year Ago

Yesterday I wrote about how I sweat through shirts when it’s hot out.  I think my body just runs warmer than most.  It’s not a lot of fun when you’re trying to impress a chick at the Taste of Chicago in early July eating a turkey leg sweating like a moron.

Thankfully I’m in a relationship, and my girlfriend seems to accept this body defect.  I also have really big feet that she keeps talking about.  Not sure what the deal is there.

See what I did?  I’m a stinker.

Anyway, I had completely forgot that there is a solution to this problem.  In fact, I had already solved it a year ago.  And then promptly forgot.

Towards the end of last year, when it was still warm enough to do stuff outside, this girl I was dating encouraged me to run a 5k.  They gave this godawful shirt as a tchotchke.  The one nice this about it is made out of the fabric that whisks away the sweat and somehow drips it into the air or something.  I’m no engineer.  Anyway, it somehow makes it so that the sweat disappears into the ether.

Three things - First, how awful is that logo? Second, I didn't know that "Jaycees" was a real thing. I guess it is. Third, if I had any self-esteem I would have cleaned the burrito stain off the shirt prior to this photo.

I went online and bought three of these shirts from Champion (which I pronounce Cham-peen to sound like a New Yorker).  Then I put them in a drawer and never pulled them out.

Cut to this year where I wore my normal cotton tees like every prior year.  I’m sweating like crazy each day and then my dad says…

“Why don’t you get those shirts that breathe easy?”

Don’t follow.  Explain.

I have these golf shirts made out of something so that I don’t sweat?

No kidding!  How does that work?

I don’t know, but it does.

Wait – is that the same thing that runners wear?  Oh, wait, I bought like three of those.

Not the most exciting conversation, but this is how out of it I am.  Now, I don’t sweat while I’m on my bike jamming out to Kid Rock.  I just went out on a big limb admitting that to all you.  I hope you can appreciate the vulnerability there.

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