I’m about to change your life.
Now, that’s a pretty bold claim. You are right to doubt. Many charlatans will separate you and your money with such proclamations!
I want nothing other than your attention. Well, actually, down the road I will want your money when I write a book, or come out with a line of crappy t-shirts and sports bras.
I noticed something profound last year, and then again this morning on the bike ride in to work. It’s that time of year when women come out of hibernation. When you ladies start making yourself seen, we men notice one thing – your hotness.
And, you know what? There’s a lot of sixes out there that have bumped themselves up to eights. With one simple move.
Cosmetics? Liposuction? Hot water and lemon diets? Facial reconstructive surgery? Nope. Not even close.
Some sixes know a secret. A very powerful secret. Oh yeah. Get excited! Here it is!
Wearing sunglasses makes you instantly hotter. Two points, to be accurate.
How does this work?
A pair of Oakleys does something critical to a bump up in your sexy – it divides the face into threes. This is important because we men can’t see your full face and make an complete judgment. We’re missing the middle bit which is critical to this assessment. So, is it what’s under the sunglasses that’s important? No.
I have never paid attention to a woman’s eyes even when looking right into them. I’m not kidding by saying that I can’t tell you the color of my mother’s eyes, my current girlfriend’s eyes, nor my ex-wife’s. None of them were green, but that’s all I say with confidence. So, if we don’t care about what sunglasses are hiding, why does this make women hotter?
Let’s start with the bottom third of the face – the lips, lower cheek and chin. Every woman looks awesome when you view this area alone. Even if you have gross little lizard lips, by itself, they look hot and loaded with collagen. Look, I can’t explain it any more than I can explain how Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear. But, he made that fucker disappear. In the same right, your lower third looks perfect on its own.
Now, the top third – the forehead. Not much to say here. Every forehead is the same. They’re all fine. Nobody cares.
The middle third, what you can see with sunglasses on, is simply the nose. Every nose, by itself, is the perfect size and shape.
My observation is that by breaking up the face into sections, all sections look good independently. This creates a lot of checkmarks in the “hot” column. When sunglasses are removed, we see the full picture. Does the forehead clash with the lower chin? What kind of symmetry are we seeing here? Ooh, that one cheekbone is slightly jacked – look at how it’s too close to the nose. Offensive!
When you see the totality of a face all at once, all bets are off. You are what you are. Maybe a seven. Maybe lower. When a face is broken up into thirds, each third will come out hotter than if you saw the whole thing at once. It’s just science.
This goes for men, too. I asked a few women today, and they concurred. So, if you’re rocking a solid six, have no shame! This shallow world may want you to be an eight – and now you can.
Now, I only judge women on what beauty they possess inside. I’m evolved. The idea of ranking women on their outside appearance is distasteful and objectionable. Goes against my inner fabric, it does. Shame on those men! I happen to only see “inner hotness.” Like a woman who just has to cook lobster twice a month. Or one who is great at taking out the dog for ones and twos. You know, important stuff. True beauty.
