Tag: relationship

As It Turns Out I Have No STDs • Surgery Part Two

I could work here!
Hernia Movers
I could work here!

In order to get my hernia fixed, I first needed to get cleared for surgery.

If you missed part one where I wrote about the discovery of a disgusting belly button hernia, click here to familiarize yourself.

The surgeon who was to perform the hernia operation told me I must first see another doctor who could run the appropriate clearance tests. I guess once you become a surgeon you don’t have to do the low-level stuff. Like how the guy who drives the garbage truck doesn’t leave the driver’s seat. He’s got a guy riding on the back who deals with the actual garbage. READ MORE

Allison (But Not Allison This Time) and D.J. Fix Your Stupid Problems About Your Best Friend

Nothing to add, here. The image is way funnier than anything I could ever write.
D.J. and Allison fix your stupid problems about your best friend

To be fair, Allison tried on this one.

She wrote me a few days ago asking to bow out of this specific edition. Allison had just taken on two new clients and was now travelling a good chunk of the time. She kept attempting to write this piece but wasn’t happy with it. (After reading her drafts, I concur) Then she did that thing that all weirdos like her and I do – we go all or nothing. In a frazzled state she said, “I can’t commit to this any longer!” She was having a moment. I told her to have her moment, and that I’d handle this one. She’ll come back in the next one. She’s just a spaz. READ MORE

Iceland Memories – I Didn’t Notice The Attractiveness of Icelandic Chicks

dj paris iceland horses
I think we can all agree the horses are pretty good looking.

But are Icelandic women hot?

I’m surprised that I’ve received this question since I’ve returned from my trip. Three individuals have asked this independently, and it strikes me as odd for a number of reasons. First, I’m forty and my friends are around the same age. Everyone is married, mature, and with responsible careers. This is not a question anyone my age should be asking. Second, the trip to Iceland was not sponsored by Tinder and I didn’t check to see if there was a “Hot Broads of Reykjavik” meetup group. Third, I was traveling with my sister and her husband, and the idea of scoping out local trim didn’t seem like a healthy move. Fourth, I’m dating someone which further distances me from such silliness. Fifth, and most importantly, I truthfully don’t have an answer for this question. And I’d like to talk about that further. READ MORE

Allison and D.J. Need Your Questions About Dating

Allison and I worked with this couple a few months ago and now look at them - they're doing that creepy arm in arm love thing! We're amazing!
allison arnone and dj paris fix your stupid problems about dating

I was dumped recently.

Should you feel sorry for me? Sure, why not? I like attention. But here’s the good news. According to my single lady friends, the quality of men who are forty years old and single are a real horror show. So are most of the women, but I’m not worried. Crazy people find crazy people. And, thankfully, according to my therapist I’m not crazy. I pay her good money to re-confirm this opinion every week. READ MORE

I’m Going to Have To Give Up The Cat

Taken this morning. I was naked at the time. Naked, people!

I recently came to terms that I’m going to have to give up my cat Pantaloons.

My girlfriend is allergic. She’s a good sport when she visits and takes a Benadryl which clears up her symptoms. But how long am I going to make her pop meds to be comfortable? READ MORE

I Have a Big Brag to Announce About My Greatness

For no reason at all here is my cat and dog.

I’ve been busy over the past two days.

First I released a new version of my Apple and Android app which include push notifications. Yes, you now get a popup whenever I write something new. Does my narcissism know no bounds?

Also I launched a Twitter web app which pokes around through your followers to see if anyone famous follows you. It’s pointless and silly but so are a majority of the activities in which I participate. READ MORE

I Just Responded to 200 Blog Comments

Yes, these will do.

The last four hours have been a blur.

In my effort to show appreciation for everyone that comments, I have committed to responding to each in 2014. The process is a lot of fun and often what you write is funnier and more poignant than what’s in my post. I started tonight by responding to fresh comments from the past few days. Then I went back in time. READ MORE