Tag: girlfriend

I Was a Poopy McPooperstons Yesterday

I don't look this adorable and freaky when I'm bummed.

I have been in a foul mood all day.

(this was written last night, by the way)

When I woke up I felt my normal happy self. But soon, everything changed.

I had an early situation which warranted some anger. Basically a work thing popped up unexpectedly that had me thinking I was being attacked by a certain employee. I lost my cool but took five minutes to calm down before acting. I sent a polite but firm email and received a nasty one back. The coworker called me immediately after and we worked it out over the next fifteen minutes. I still had slight residual anger but I felt better. I have 100% confidence it will get resolved. READ MORE

It’s Official – I’m at My Fattest!

I weighed in this afternoon at a meaty 223.8 lbs.

This is quite an accomplishment for a man that could eat whatever he wanted up until two years ago. Hell, five years ago I was at 175. I’m just shy of 6’3″ and should clock in between 190-200lbs. That’s ideal for me. READ MORE

The Girlfriend Meets the Whole Family

This woman looks content. Or maybe she's just a weirdo who sleeps with her mouth open and smiles eerily.

Tonight the girlfriend met my entire family.

Beth had already been introduced to my mother a few months ago. We were back in Peoria at a friend’s wedding and my mom happened to be in town. My father had driven to Alabama that weekend as my sister had bought him football tickets for his alma matter. My sister lives in NYC and hadn’t been to Chicago or Peoria lately. READ MORE

I Don’t Know When to Hold ‘Em or Fold ‘Em

While not wildly adept at playing craps, I am pretty decent at taking... forget it

I’m a terrible gambler.

This foolio has been living at the Rio in Las Vegas for the past three days. I haven’t sat down once at a table or slot machine.

I am surrounded by opportunity to play games and win some dough. So why aren’t I gambling? READ MORE

My Unconscious Loves Bringing Knives Through Security at Airports

It looks pretty ominous here, right? This photo kind of freaks me out.

I’m not a gun person.

We didn’t grow up hunting and no-one in the family owns a firearm. I’ve shot a gun exactly once, and that was in the Scottsdale, Arizona desert. I hit 3/5 targets and the instructor said that I had a pretty good shot. READ MORE

I Threw My Holiday Cards in the Trash – A Confession

It started with the stamps.

Last Friday, like a good and dedicated employee, I went into work. There were some appointments I had set up for the early part of the day. On the way home I popped into a Dominick’s grocery store to pick up a few items needed for the weekend. I remembered that all my holiday cards had arrived after Christmas and I was to send them out that weekend. READ MORE

I Did 198 Takes Last Night for My Video Blog – A Confession

The beginning and the end.

I told my girlfriend a lie last night.

To be fair, this was unintentional. Had I known the actual truth (as I do now) I may have very well snapped the remaining thread of sanity holding me upright or thrown myself from a balcony screaming.

On my way home from work yesterday I put together some thoughts for a video blog. I wrote down eleven points I wanted to discuss including an upcoming trip, a holiday card I’m sending to readers, and a story about not picking up my dog’s poop (which I still don’t do even though I promised you I would). READ MORE

Snoring Vs. Adult Films

This image doesn't fit any part of the post. I forgive myself for that, too.

To be funny the other night I audio-recorded my girlfriend snoring.

She, naturally, had the mistaken belief that she was not a snorer. I woke up in the middle of that night to what appeared to be a log splitter set to maximum strength chugging away three inches from my face. Since I don’t find snoring repulsive or an impediment to my asleep, I wasn’t bothered. I found myself laughing at a the idea that a beautiful woman was doing something so traditionally non-graceful. READ MORE

The Infamous Naked Ice Cream Bathtub Photos – REVEALED

Look at that eight-pack! Don't react in any way to that last sentence.

I had forgotten that this happened.

Timestamp – September 6th, 2006.

Back when I had just started dating my future ex-wife I used to take a lot of baths. She had a condo and lived a few blocks from me. To help with the mortgage I acquired a roommate. This made sense as I spent nearly all of my time over at Christina’s place. Within months I had made myself at home (her home). READ MORE