Tag: friend

Introducing TreeBaseSack™ – The Runaway Hit Tree-Skirt of Next Christmas

ozzy osbourne

I just put my new fake tree together.

By accident I had left my old fake tree at the ex-girlfriend’s place. It was a cool fake Christmas tree, too. Tall, but thin. It had style. But when a relationship ends, sometimes it makes sense to just buy a new fake tree. So I did. I decided to go tall and thin again. A sign of respect to the previous tree that was likely covered with dust in her storage unit. The new tree arrived and I assembled it.  The ornaments and lights and even that thing at the top. Treetop hat or whatever. Then I realized I didn’t have a tree-skirt. I must have left that with the tree at her place. I shook my angry fist toward the heavens, but then purchased a swath of canvas online a few minutes later. I had an idea. A great idea? Yeah, actually it was. READ MORE

Allison and D.J. Fix Your Stupid Problems About Social Media

allison and dj fix your stupid problems about social media

Nobody is neutral about social media. All of us fall into one of three categories.

  • I should do less social media
  • I should do more social media
  • I’m not on social media

I think we can all agree that the I’m-not-on-social-media-guy is a little too proud to tell everyone that he’s not on social media. My guess is that he doesn’t have any friends and this is an overcompensation for only getting one “Happy birthday!” message on Facebook in 2013. In high school I used to say, “The prom is stupid. I’m not into it!” Which really meant, “No girl will go with me and on the night of the big dance I’m going to play guitar in the basement and cry.” This month Allison Arnone and I speak directly to the social media user and answer their questions directly about how to do more or less of it, but also how to do more or less of it better. Let’s go. READ MORE

Flying First Class is Not Awful (and other obvious observations)

When you're finished we'll take your half-chewed omelette and send it back to coach.
first class airline travel
When you’re finished we’ll take your half-chewed omelette and send it back to coach.

I’ve never once complained about flying coach.

Let me quickly qualify that before you label me an elitist asshole. I’ve only ever flown first class once, and that was because a boss upgraded my ticket for a short flight to Birmingham. But I’ve been flying since I was a kid, so I’ve shuffled past hundreds of first class passenger over the years. When I say I’ve never complained about sitting in steerage, what I mean is that I’m not one of those people who scowl at the fortunate souls in the first class cabin. I don’t assume they’re horrible people, or that they’re lucky. And while I’m not huge into status, I love the idea of being able to buy a first class ticket. To have the means to plunk down 3k on a flight to Newark if I was so inclined. In fact, when I walk by the first class passengers I often think, “I should work a little harder!” or, “Gotta save better!” READ MORE

Bloggers are Weird Podcast – Tara Wood – Love Morning Wood

Tara Wood is a mother of seven, humor blogger, and public speaker. She writes at LoveMorningWood and routinely says things you would have loved to hear from your friend’s mom, but would have been horrified to hear from your own mother’s lips. This is why she’s on the show. She’s clearly in need of more effective contraception. Let’s get on that, eggheads! READ MORE

New Video Series Starting Tonight!

Announcing a brand new video-series with my friend Melany from MelanysGuylines.com!

We have some fun ideas planned – but, first we need your help before we shoot tonight…

Do you have a story of a friend that went crazy?

I know you do. I do. Hell, you might even be the person who went nuts! We want to hear it! Also, we’re going to discuss it on the air. READ MORE

My Daily Life Is Boring Except For All These Awesome Asides

You were a very important part of my day, old dried friend.

I spend every day with you – your daily life is boring!

This is what my co-worker said tonight as I was driving him home. He’s not a jerk, I promise. We were talking about my blog and he asked how it was going. I told him that this month I’m committed to writing a post every day. He was curious how I find content since I have such a normal, not-hilarious job. READ MORE

The Girlfriend Meets the Whole Family

This woman looks content. Or maybe she's just a weirdo who sleeps with her mouth open and smiles eerily.

Tonight the girlfriend met my entire family.

Beth had already been introduced to my mother a few months ago. We were back in Peoria at a friend’s wedding and my mom happened to be in town. My father had driven to Alabama that weekend as my sister had bought him football tickets for his alma matter. My sister lives in NYC and hadn’t been to Chicago or Peoria lately. READ MORE

Snoring Vs. Adult Films

This image doesn't fit any part of the post. I forgive myself for that, too.

To be funny the other night I audio-recorded my girlfriend snoring.

She, naturally, had the mistaken belief that she was not a snorer. I woke up in the middle of that night to what appeared to be a log splitter set to maximum strength chugging away three inches from my face. Since I don’t find snoring repulsive or an impediment to my asleep, I wasn’t bothered. I found myself laughing at a the idea that a beautiful woman was doing something so traditionally non-graceful. READ MORE