Tag: confession

Comments Make/Break My Day – A Confession

None of these people commented on my blog yesterday. They were too busy - too busy being dicks!

When I first started this blog I spent most of my spare time studying SEO. Within a month I was #1 for “best blogs” and “funny blogs” on Google. Then, back in March Google released the Panda update and wiped me off their charts. I think for “funny blogs” I’m currently #44. So, if you found me that way, you need to have better things to do then scroll to page five of Google. Take up knitting or some shit. READ MORE

I Sometimes Order Domino’s – A Confession

I would eat this dog just for dressing like a lobster.

The title is pretty clear, yes?

Yesterday I didn’t really eat much other than yogurt, cereal, and protein drink. That’s not enough calories to get you healthfully through two ten mile bike rides to and from work. Since I often forget to eat during the day, I come home exhausted, sweaty, and famished. READ MORE

I Just Started Reading Blogs Yesterday – A Confession

I typed in "reading blogs" into the search of my image provider and this was the first result. I guess this is what reading blogs is all about. Horses and sand and shit.

Okay, this may sound strange but – I don’t read blogs.

I never did, actually.

I could not name one blogger when I started.  It never occurred to me to see what else was out there.  As my own website started picking up steam last fall I attended BlogWorld LA.  There I met many bloggers and had a fantastic time. READ MORE

I Want To Wax My Face – A Confession

On the way home from work riding my bike ten miles I realized I had nothing to write about for tonight.  This is not uncommon and often I sit in front of the keyboard for many minutes trying to come up with content.

For some reason this thought popped into my head seemingly from nowhere: READ MORE

I Talk to Myself About Myself – A Confession

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Okay, I can’t be the only person that does this.  I hope.

Now, mind you, by me sharing what I’m about to share, I am terrified you’re going to think I’m the biggest narcissistic douche on the planet.  But I assure you, I’m not.  I have a therapist that will attest to my relative well-being. READ MORE

I Wash My Dog’s Bathroom In The Dishwasher – A Confession

Actually, coming from a former British penal colony, this is pretty impressive.

It’s been at least a week since I grossed you out.  “Too long!” some may shout.  “Not long enough!” others will cry.

I, myself, subscribe to the “Too long!” camp.

My dog, who just turned four is seven pounds.  I live on the top floor (4) of my condo building, and there is no elevator.  When my ex-wife and I got the dog we bought a PetLoo.  Nowadays there are many copycat products, but the original was developed by an Aussie woman. READ MORE

I Purposely Forget To Flush My Toilets – A Confession

For maintaining balance AND working out your triceps.
raised toilet seat with handles
For maintaining balance AND working out my triceps.

The first thing I do when I know someone is coming over to my place is  check the bathrooms.   For unflushed pee.

I’ve written earlier about how I talk to my friends on my phone whilst using the W.C.   Out of respect I don’t flush during a call.   I’m not an animal, for God’s sake.   When one of my buddies is crying because of Grandma’s gout, that is not the time for a double flusher.   But often the call goes longer than my dirty business, so I end up leaving the bathroom and walking into the bedroom to stare at myself in the full length mirror.  And then I forget to go back after the call and destroy the nonsense. READ MORE

I Have Spear Toe – A Confession

No good.

I want you to do something right now.

Pull out one of your hands (choose the one that is shoved down the front of your pants – and no I don’t mean because you’re doing that.)

Hold it up in front of you.  Pay particular attention to the pinky.  Notice it’s length.  It’s longer than you thought, right? READ MORE

I Love Plucking White Hairs – A Confession

I so totally get this.

When I was nine my mom brought home a black cat that was hanging out by the dumpster at the Junior League.  It was our first family pet, and we named her Shadow.

Actually, that’s not entirely true as we had two cats when I was born but I think they bit me or my sister and were removed. READ MORE