I’m One of Those Jerks That Cried During the Eclipse

Let's talk vacations. And periodontal disease.
Let’s talk vacations. And periodontal disease.

I went to Nashville to see the eclipse because my dentist told me to.

Throughout my life, whenever anyone asks me to list my dream vacation destinations, I stare back with blank eyes. It has never occurred to me to cultivate places I’d like to visit. Even now, I have no idea of where I’d like to travel to next. I’ve never turned on the Travel Channel and I don’t find myself fantasizing of being anywhere other than where I currently am. That being said, I go on a fair number of trips. My only rule is that I never try to visit the same place twice. That’s for squares, if you ask me (you didn’t). READ MORE

Let’s Assess My Production Today (Hint – It’s Disappointing)

I question the marketing genius of putting the worst one on the side of the truck.

Yesterday I moved this blog to a new hosting provider.

The site had been lagging and it was time for an upgrade. Not that anybody formally complained but I noticed the speed issue and it bothered me. The transition was almost hiccup-free. Somehow a few comments slipped through the cracks. I apologize to those readers. READ MORE

I Totally Got Gypped On My Date Tonight

I couldn't wait to slobber all over it.

I’m writing this from a date in progress. A ThoughtsFromParis first, as it were.

A woman I’m seeing who requested that I don’t use her real name (it’s Helen) asked me over for dinner tonight. The first bloggable moment came in the way she brought up this dinner over the phone. READ MORE

Moms are Supposed to Annoy Their Kids

One of her cuter, not destroying the hardwood with her poison, moments

Mothers are supposed to have at least one expression designed to send you into a frenzy of anger and frustration. It’s their job.

Mine is the moment my mom walks through the door of my condo. Without exception, she mentions that she can smell cat pee all throughout the house. READ MORE

That’s Cool Beans!

These are definitely cool beans.

Turns out my mom was wrong.

Sure, there are moments when my condo resembles a dishelved hobo riding the rails, but mostly it’s close to tidy. Note I said “tidy” and not “clean.” I never dust and rarely sweep. If I’m having someone over I run the Swiffer. It’s not really supposed to double as a vacuum, but, hey, close enough. READ MORE

Will My Love Keep Me Warm While My Furnace is Out? (WORST TITLE EVER)

My furnace repair guy had some interesting techniques. Also, no eyebrows.

My furnace went kaput last Friday.

It turns out you’re supposed to clean the filters every few months or so. You’d think this would have dawned on me after eight years of owning a place. But I’m kind of a moron when it comes to that stuff. I’m good at sitting down on the ground, pulling up a laptop and writing. I don’t do much cleaning except to say that I try to reduce clutter. That is my version of cleaning – putting things away. As the dust piles, it piles on empty tables. I’m proud of this. It’s a sad badge of honor. READ MORE

I Stole My Housekeeper’s Keys (So She Wouldn’t Steal From Me)

It's probably not technically legal to post this photo from her phone without permission but I want you to see the face of the woman that stole my Kindle, but not my heart.

A few days ago I wrote a piece about how my shockingly-English-speaking cleaning lady was a poor negotiator. By the way according to my analytics, basically nobody liked the story. Screw you fools. Writing everyday is hard.

I will admit it was a little weak. Ahem… READ MORE