Well, not technically “stood up.”
I wasn’t that sad sack sitting at a table for two watching a candle melt down and consistently asking for water refills waiting for my date not to arrive.
In the afternoon my date sent me a text message, “Something came up – can’t make it tonight. So sorry.” I replied with, “No problem. If you want to reschedule, let me know.” She wrote back, “Of course!”
She will not want to reschedule. I’ve been dating online long enough to understand text-speak. This was a first date and I’m still surprised it didn’t happen. We had an amazing conversation on the phone and had been joking around with each other all week on text message. She had even started to refer to me as “buttface” which I thought was funny. We were busting balls which is always a good sign. Playful stuff.
Now, I’m about to reveal something here – something that you’re going to cringe at. You’re not going to like this next bit. I’m going to tell you why I believe she canceled the date. But it will sound way worse reading it than if I had told you in person. Trust me.
I’m kind of a spaz on the phone. If you listen to my podcast or watch our oSex videos you can see that I get all fired up about stuff, but in a fun way. I’m not a psycho, but I do express excitement. I can’t help it.
Here’s the story – I had been dating this lovely woman for a month or so and we recently separated. My birthday was this past week, and my parents are coming up from Peoria today to take me to a show and birthday dinner. Originally I had invited this woman, but since our breakup, obviously I now had a vacancy.
As a total joke on the phone with this new woman earlier this week, I said…
You know what would be totally crazy but also hilarious? Well, we have a date on Friday, right? See my parents come in on Saturday. I was supposed to bring someone but she isn’t going to make it. We have this extra ticket for a dance show.
Okay…
Let’s say we get on well on date one on Friday. It would be amazing and insane, but maybe I’ll bring you out with my parents for date number two. Would that be funny? I mean, we have the ticket and everything, and I know how it sounds. It’s lunacy. But it would make for a great story. I met this guy’s parents on the second date.
(pauses for a second) You know, I’m actually really open minded to that sort of thing. It would be funny. But what if you don’t like me on date one?
Then you’re not getting invited to the Saturday event, AND you’re paying for the dinner on date one.
Well, let’s just focus on date one first! Remember, you might not even like me!
Oh, I know. It’s an outrageous thought, and I would totally understand you not wanting to do it. But we’ll see how date number one goes.
Ha – yes, can’t wait to meet you.
–Fin–
Here’s my guess. Over the next few days she let that marinate and it didn’t sit well. The context of me joking around fell away and she probably went, “Did that psychopath really invite me to meet his family on day two?” When the conversation was actually happening, she was into it. She was laughing and agreed it would be a fun thing. But nobody wants to meet someone’s parents on date two. It’s nuts. I understand. And even though I thought it was a funny idea, I should have kept it to myself. I’m sure it scared her off. So she canceled.
We were supposed to have a fun BBQ dinner that evening. Ironically, my oSex co-host Karen invited me out to dinner with her parents who were in town and also having BBQ. So I got to eat my BBQ dinner, didn’t have to pay for my date, and got to hang out with someone’s parents who I hadn’t ever met.
So, if you want to date me, be prepared for my insane didn’t-think-that-through outbursts on the first few phone calls. I should probably reign it in a bit, yes? Yes. Ha!
Diana says:
With the heritage we have, being a NON-spazz is essentially not POSSIBLE! Happy Birthday DJ! Tell your parents I send my love! and go get all snuggly with yer critters and shit! Love, me
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks Cousin! Sorry for the late reply!
Kathleen says:
Don’t apply the filter and be “that” person at the start of things. Makes it worse when the true personality comes out. And if the worse personality trait is being the occasional spazz, sign me up.
Jennifer says:
Geez, you totally got stood up!!!! Maybe you should taker easy cowboy.
D.J. Paris says:
Never! Ha.
LeeAnn says:
I hate to say it, but she probably talked it over with one of more of her friends and even though she may have been ok with it, one of her “besties” probably told her you were some kind of freak, crazy, psycho guy and insisted that she cancel. So she did what her friend(s) told her to do instead of going with her gut and knowing you were just being funny.
On the bright side, at least you got a date. I’m guessing she didnt have a mullet, weigh 500 lbs, live in her mother’s basement and look like a serial killer because that’s the exact type of guys I get every time I try and do some kind of online dating so I gave up! I will be dying alone with my 15 dogs (allergic to cats).
D.J. Paris says:
I could only dream of dating a chick with a mullet who weighed 500 lbs. Every man’s boner-dream.
Emelie says:
Gah, that’s the worst, but at least you got to have some BBQ! Yum!
D.J. Paris says:
BBQ is the solution to all of life’s problems.
Frank Bukowski says:
Why dintcha just jump out on her in a halloween mask? Or tell her you were a Jehovas Witness or sumptn. Gaa man that really blows. And she called you buttface too. Sounds like you let a real princess slip through your fingers right there pal. Bummer.
D.J. Paris says:
Frank – you’re making a lot of sense. Let me receive you counsel on all my future affairs.
Andi-Roo (@theworld4realz) says:
Sounds like it was no big loss, if you ask me! I say, continue to let your freak flag fly. You put that shit away, somebody is gonna be in for an unpleasant surprise when you try to hoist it back up. There’s a time and place for being PC, professional, straight, boring, etc. Dating is *NOT* that time and place. Cut through the BS by being true to yourself; you’ll thank yourself in the long run, even if the race seems choppy and depressing along the way. Fingers crossed for the next date, buddy! I’m rooting for you!!! 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Ha – thanks! I finally found someone after nine months. Now I just have to keep her!
Heather Monts says:
You sound very interesting and very laid back! You took that date with a grain of salt. 🙂 Kudos for you! Thanks for sharing your story. Loved it! 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Thanks for reading, Heather!
Ronda-Lee says:
I went on a blind date once. My niece and her boyfriend set me up with his boss. We would go on a double date for dinner and if everything went well he and I would go off on our own after dinner. Nice and safe, I’d never seen him or even spoken to him on the phone.
Dinner was going to be downtown, during the Calgary Stampede, which means no parking. We were taking a cab. He was getting his Mom to drive him!!!
I almost cancelled when I heard that his Mom was driving him to our date, I was 40 years old! I did not need to meet a divorced man who’s Mother drove him to dates.
Well, 6 years later I’m very glad that I didn’t leave. He turned out to be wonderful and we’ve been together ever since.
The girl who stood you up may have missed something big just because she overthought a silly comment.
D.J. Paris says:
Wow – mom driving him to the date. Hmm… You’re a brave woman! Ha.
Laura@BunnyTales says:
coming from an online dating veteran, meh! It happens. 🙂 As I write this I”m shocked to realize I’ve been dating for years now. Usually I don’t get past date 2. It’s a tough ole pond out there lemme tell ya! But the cool thing is, you don’t get daunted, you keep meeting interesting people, or get some AMAZING ‘first date disaster’ stories (of which I have a few. HMU if you wanna swap tales). And over this time I’ve come to believe in one thing… me. 🙂 I like me and am comfortable (for the most part) with who I am. And that makes all the times (dating or not) in my days great!
So DON”T filter. Don’t ‘tone it down’. Keep being you and someone will click with it and in the meantime, you get to keep having fun! 😉
FYI… I’d go out with ya!
D.J. Paris says:
Crap – I missed my window! I found a broad now. Thanks for reading and sharing your date crap!
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