Yesterday I wrote about how, much like a vampire, I burst into flames when in direct sunlight. This the bane of being blonde. (Great alliteration there, Deej!)
As I recover from my pink face and belly I thought I’d take a few moments to write about the greatest thing on the planet. No hyperbole. Okay, a little hyperbole.
I’m introducing a new and SO INSANELY EXCITING feature on my blog that you might literally have a coronary reading the very next sentence.
I have installed a timer to display the number of days, hours, and minutes since the last time my cat Pantaloons peed on the bed where I sleep. Right on this very blog.
The only thing worse about somebody that has cats is somebody who writes about cats.
So, let’s get started.
If you’re new to this blog, you might not be aware of the seemingly endless saga of my cat peeing outside her litter pan. This is particularly bothersome because I am a fantastic owner. My ex-wife is also a veterinarian. But before I left this weekend for a trip, Pantaloons was kind enough to pee on both the beds in my condo. Within sixteen hours.
This weekend Jessica aka Jessica The Reader is coming for a visit.
If you’re new to the site, you may want to read the back story of how we met.
I’d like to mention a golden move she made in preparation of this trip.
Hey, since I haven’t yet met all your friends, let’s throw a dinner party at your place!
I’ve previously discussed how my cat Pantaloons has an unfortunate habit of urinating outside her litter box.
More specifically she urinates on the rug just to the right of my bed. This is where, when I spring out of bed in the morning (and yes, I spring), I step. Now, thankfully she hasn’t ever done it in the middle of the night because I get up at least twice like an old man.
Last night I came home from four days away in Atlanta visiting the woman I’m seeing.
When I’m gone I usually take my dog to the groomer who watches her throughout the day and takes her home to his place. She even sleeps in bed with him.
That leaves my cat.
About two years ago I had my dog certified with Therapy Dogs International so that she could participate in programs with the elderly and children in hospitals.
Unfortunately, I found that because this organization resides is Jersey, the certificate is largely useless here in Chicago. They have little pull in the Midwest.
I’m glad to say for the first time in the history of this website, I have completed my first full week of posts.
My intention was always to publish something every few days, and I’m thankful that my readership keeps increasing.
In fact, just yesterday Google had my blog ranked around position twelve for the search keywords “blog funny†and “funny blog.â€
I wish that title hadn’t been written by me. I also wish it weren’t true.
My cat, Pantaloons, is a really awesome pet. The day I brought her home from the shelter she didn’t show the slightest bit of fear approaching the dog. She’s never once hissed, and her favorite thing to do is sit on your chest and lick your nose.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
