I wish that title hadn’t been written by me. I also wish it weren’t true.
My cat, Pantaloons, is a really awesome pet. The day I brought her home from the shelter she didn’t show the slightest bit of fear approaching the dog. She’s never once hissed, and her favorite thing to do is sit on your chest and lick your nose.
Every night the dog goes over and the cat spends three minutes licking her fur.
In the morning (I live in a fourth–floor walkup), I let the dog out on the balcony to use her Pet Loo. It’s an astroturf bathroom thing. The cat runs out with the dog, waits for her to finish, and then follows her back in the house.
Pretty damned cute, no?
But for some reason she sometimes pees all over the place.
And while I am not above a little shower or sink urination myself, I do restrict myself to places with drains.
A few weeks ago I was hanging out in the bathroom, jamming in front of the mirror, practicing my rock moves (God, I wish that weren’t true – but it is).
My cat walked into the shower, turned toward me, squatted, and peed all while staring right at me.
It’s like that anti-pot commercial from the 80s. “I learned it from watching you, Dad! I learned it from watching you!”
But peeing in the shower is more funny than anything. I just turned on the nozzle and away it went. We both had a good laugh. (Yes, I choose to believe that when I laugh, my cat also laughs on the inside).
However, Pantaloons also has a terrible habit of urinating on any item of clothing I leave on the ground, on the right side of my bed.
And if she only peed directly onto my Sean Jean sweatpants (just kidding, I don’t wear Sean Jean. Nor sweatpants), this would be just fine. I would simply take the soiled clothes, throw directly into the wash, and have it wash right out. That is from my upcoming newspaper advice column, “Hints From Deloise.” Bad joke, I know.
But sometimes she misses. She pees half on my AC/DC boxers (yes, I have these), and then half on the rug that surrounds my bed.
And since this is done during the night, I don’t realize she’s peed until the morning. No problem with the boxers, they will rock again. But the rug – I mean you can’t see the stain. But you can smell it.
I know the thing to do is throw away the rug, but it’s one of those massive big rugs and it was super-expensive. Also, I sort of think that over time the smell will just go away. So far, it hasn’t. But I’m going to wait it out.
In order to prevent future cat peeing, I have found a solution! My vet has prescribed Prozac for my cat. This is interesting, because out of the three of us in the house, two of us are on meds. The dog’s the only sane one, apparently.
Amazingly, Prozac stops cats from peeing outside the little box. Better purring through chemistry! (I know that was a super lame reference, but I think it’s funny. So there.)
As for the smell, well, considering the other smells coming out of my bedroom, it’s just one more.
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