The Right Side Of My Bed Smells Like Cat Pee

I wish that title hadn’t been written by me.     I also wish it weren’t true.

My cat, Pantaloons, is a really awesome pet.   The day I brought her home from the shelter she didn’t show the slightest bit of fear approaching the dog.   She’s never once hissed, and her favorite thing to do is sit on your chest and lick your nose.

Every night the dog goes over and the cat spends three minutes licking her fur.

Pantaloons and Lil' Miss Meepers

In the morning (I live in a fourth–floor walkup),   I let the dog out on the balcony to use her Pet Loo.     It’s an astroturf bathroom thing.     The cat runs out with the dog,   waits for her to finish,   and then follows her back in the house.

Pretty damned cute, no?

But for some reason she sometimes pees all over the place.

And while I am not above a little shower or sink urination myself,   I do restrict myself to places with drains.

Pee in Sink
This is not me (I'm way hotter), and what the hell kind of weirdo sink is that?

A few weeks ago I was hanging out in the bathroom, jamming in front of the mirror,   practicing my rock moves (God,   I wish that weren’t true – but it is).

Rock Star Pose
This is also not me.

My cat walked into the shower,   turned toward me,   squatted,   and peed all while staring right at me.

It’s like that anti-pot commercial from the 80s.  “I learned it from watching you, Dad!  I learned it from watching you!”

But peeing in the shower is more funny than anything.  I just turned on the nozzle and away it went.  We both had a good laugh.  (Yes, I choose to believe that when I laugh, my cat also laughs on the inside).

However, Pantaloons also has a terrible habit of urinating on any item of clothing I leave on the ground,   on the right side of my bed.

And if she only peed directly onto my Sean Jean sweatpants (just kidding,   I don’t wear Sean Jean.   Nor sweatpants),   this would be just fine.  I would simply take the soiled clothes,   throw directly into the wash,   and have it wash right out.   That is from my upcoming newspaper advice column,   “Hints From Deloise.”  Bad joke, I know.

But sometimes she misses.  She pees half on my AC/DC boxers (yes, I have these), and then half on the rug that surrounds my bed.

And since this is done during the night, I don’t realize she’s peed until the morning.  No problem with the boxers, they will rock again.  But the rug – I mean you can’t see the stain.  But you can smell it.

I know the thing to do is throw away the rug, but it’s one of those massive big rugs and it was super-expensive.  Also, I sort of think that over time the smell will just go away.  So far, it hasn’t.  But I’m going to wait it out.

In order to prevent future cat peeing, I have found a solution!  My vet has prescribed Prozac for my cat.  This is interesting, because out of the three of us in the house, two of us are on meds.  The dog’s the only sane one, apparently.

Amazingly, Prozac stops cats from peeing outside the little box.  Better purring through chemistry!  (I know that was a super lame reference, but I think it’s funny.  So there.)

As for the smell, well, considering the other smells coming out of my bedroom, it’s just one more.

4 thoughts on “The Right Side Of My Bed Smells Like Cat Pee”

  1. Katjaneway says:

    Leave it to a doctor (vet) to find a solution via meds. Look, I’m no Jackson Galaxy, but you should watch an episode or two of My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet. Prozac is a happy pill, so your cat is not happy. You can treat the imbalance through behavior modifications. I’ve already watched a couple of episodes about cats that pee all over the owners house. Also, about the rug, perhaps at least a shampooer might help with that.

    1. D.J. Paris says:

       @Katjaneway  Yeah – I agree partly with you.  My ex-wife’s a vet and medical solutions are often the best cure.  However, feeding my cat Prozac every day is a pain.  I’m doing some stuff the cat woman suggests (engaging her “prey” desire, exercising her, etc.) and it seems to be working.  But meds are great, too.  Ha.

  2. CeCe Cat says:

    Vinegar works miracles on cat urine. Put the rug in the shower, wet it then pour white vinegar on it and leave overnight. It will completely remove the urine smell. This only works if the rug is colorfast, otherwise, your rug is ruined in which case this is very bad advice. It works with clothes anyway. My cat peed all over some of my clean, folded not yet put up clothes when my sister came for a visit and brought her dog. Evidently, he doesn’t like my sisters dog and was mad at me for letting them visit..?!

  3. Michelle says:

    I’m hoping you’ve found another solution to this by now, but I’ll add a comment just in case you haven’t. Clean the rug. If you leave it smelling like that, she’ll think it’s okay to pee there and keep peeing there. She’s already probably wondering why you keep tossing your nice clothes into her pee area. She might think you want her to pee on your clothes so she’s doing you a favor! Petsmart sells a cleaner called Nature’s Miracle which does good work. I especially like the type in the orange bottle that you shake up before you spray. Cats don’t like citrus, and it smells like orange, so they tend to avoid the spot in the future.

    Oh, and make sure Miss Pantaloons’ litter box is pristine. Or try a new box. A friend just bought a new box and her cat stopped going outside the box. He just didn’t like the old box for some reason. Just a thought.

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