I Went To The South! (and came back to make fun of it)

Jessica D.J. New Years Eve 2012
I ate too much rich stuff and almost passed out.

I just got home after having spent four days in Atlanta visiting reader-turned-girlfriend Jessica.  She was nice enough to open her home to me, and I got a chance to meet her friends and spend time in her nook of the city.

A few things I noticed about being in Atlanta.

  • Most men with intense southern accents I incorrectly assumed as gay.   Now, it is the case that Jessica lives in an area of Atlanta where gay men cluster.  Plus, many of her friends and neighbors were gay men.  So, I had to ask her several times when I met someone, “Is that guy gay?”  Not that I had an opinion about the person’s sexuality, but that I wanted to know how accurate my predictor is.  Turns out I was wrong nearly every time.  If you are gay and reading this, feel free to teach me the ways of gaydar.  Hands-on learning. if possible.  Zing!
  • People from the south love long pauses between sentences.  Hey, no offense, but I have adult attention deficit disorder.  How about  speeding things up so that we can end a conversation within these next ten seconds?  The “three-Mississippi”  you place between every period and capital letter sends me into a mental frenzy.  We all have stuff to do.  Shift out of first.
  • Everybody is insanely hospitable.  I’ve lived in my condo building in Chicago for seven and a half years.  Out of the 33 units, I know probably twelve owners.  And I was on the board for three years.  Everyone I know that lives here is really friendly and nice.  But the idea of stopping in the hall and talking for more than twenty seconds is crazy.  I’m trying to get to my door, pretend I’m going to cook something with vegetables, and throw a Tombstone in the over on broil.  In Jessica’s condo, we stopped no less than 10 times over four days with five minute minimum conversations.  Try having a conversation with a neighbor for over five minutes.  You’ll run out of things to talk about at the forty-second mark.  Apparently in her building, it’s considered rude to not do a long chat in the hallway.  Weirdos.

I don’t mean to pick on the south.  I had a fabulous time, and will write more later.  Jessica was lovely, and here is a photo of us spending New Year’s Eve at a nice restaurant called JCT.

I hope everyone is having a great New Year’s Day, and if you’re reading this on any other day than Jan 1, 2012, you’re obviously one of those psychos that loves going through a blogger’s old posts.  I love you for that.

Jessica D.J. New Years Eve 2012
I ate too much rich stuff and almost passed out.

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