Today is my girlfriend Jessica’s birthday. The big 1-8!
That joke was too easy.
I did something never before – purchased a gift over the phone, had it shipped down to the ATL where she lives, and am about to listen to her open it live. After she thanks me I will still have no idea what this thing is or what it looks like. This is not my fault.
I sort of got into it with my therapist today.
A problem I’ve had throughout my love life has been getting women to agree with me on all my opinions. If you disagree with my stance on something I feel passionate about, I take it as a personal attack. I then think we’re not a united front and mismatched. But I also think you’re lying about your position. That, under sodium pentothal and a heat lamp, you would admit that my stance on the topic was, in fact, your stance.
Last Sunday a bunch of us committed to being more grateful for what we have.
Time to check in to see how badly you failed! Or succeeded. Whatever.
And we’re going to set a new goal – so if you’re new to the site, get ready to become more awesome.
Okay, I’ve been writing about this kind of thing a lot lately, but I have to own something embarrassing.
In my condo I have bay windows in the family room. My windows look out over a courtyard and also across the way at my neighbor’s unit. Since there’s only thirty-three units in the building we all sort of know each other. If you don’t know somebody’s first name you certainly know their face.
So, last night my plan was this:
First two items I knocked out perfectly. Nobody is better at eating chicken wings and watching Doctor Who. I’m competent at that shit.
Note – I never actually get the “wings” part of chicken wings. They are disappointing and way too much effort for the meat payoff. Drumsticks or bust!
I just checked and ThoughtsFromParis now has 174,800 words published. To celebrate the achievement I decided to try something different. A blog post written in the nude.
Now while this sounds like shtick masquerading as filler since I don’t have any ideas of what to write tonight, I will tell you that is correct. Plus, I just got out of the bath and was nude already. The only thing I’m wearing is the laptop on my thighs and a wet dog around my shins. She had her bath at the same time. With me. Totally sexed out, ladies?
I cried in therapy today. That is very rare for me.
If you’re not in therapy I suspect you actually think there’s a lot of crying that happens. And maybe for some people that’s true. For some people that are total pussies! (Am I right, guys?! High five!!) For me, what I’ve noticed is that it’s a place to tell the truth – the hard truths. I’ve cried maybe four times total.
When I first started this blog I spent most of my spare time studying SEO. Within a month I was #1 for “best blogs” and “funny blogs” on Google. Then, back in March Google released the Panda update and wiped me off their charts. I think for “funny blogs” I’m currently #44. So, if you found me that way, you need to have better things to do then scroll to page five of Google. Take up knitting or some shit.
Last Sunday a bunch of us committed to finally getting that thing done we’ve been putting off.
Time to check in to see how badly you failed! Or succeeded. Whatever.
And we’re going to set a new goal – so if you’re new to the site, get ready to become more awesome.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
