My Race Car Driving Youth

Those bangs. They... Ugh...

At the wedding I was at this weekend, the groom handed me an envelope which contained an important piece of my youth.

This was my official race car driving license.  I hadn’t seen it since 1993 when I lost it in a card game called Suicide Guts to the groom.  I had forgotten about this part of my life, as I was only thirteen and those were some dark times. READ MORE

The First Thing I Do When I Arrive At a New City

I sleep.

I remember back when I was 24, and had moved into Chicago.  Well, I hadn’t moved yet, but I just signed a lease.  The apartment was completely empty, and, instead of leaving right away, I passed out.  On the kitchen countertop.

The kitchen had a long countertop that three-quarters of the way down was interrupted by the sink.  Then it picked up after the sink for a final two feet.  Probably a total length of seven feet.  I’m 6’2″. READ MORE

Photo Lab Stupidity

15 years old - not terrible

I’ve previously written about my time as a video and photo thief when I worked at Kroger in college.  This morning a fraternity brother, Jimmy, was going through a stack of old photos and found an Advantix package I had developed.

If you remembered Advantix the negatives always stayed in the canister, and you were just given it back after the development.  It also had kind of a cool case when you picked it up.  The big thing about Advantix was that you could do three sizes of photos.  Ultimately it failed after a few years and that media went the way of the disc film. READ MORE

We. Have. Merch.

Keep your head and neck fat hidden with my logo!

Here in San Francisco for my good friend David Ribando’s wedding.  Tonight was the rehearsal dinner, and since I’m in the wedding, gifts were dispersed.

The rest of the wedding party received these oak casks where you can make your own aged whiskey.  Pretty cool for them.  I don’t drink. READ MORE

Vote For My Non-Baby Ginger!

Behold.

My good friend Megan works for a credit union that is throwing a big contest for “cutest baby” or something.  Since every baby looks exactly the same to me, I didn’t pay close attention.

However, apparently the people in the first few slots are cheating.  Somehow they’re artificially getting votes, and apparently the system detected it.  But before the system caught it, other people in the contest caught it.  And they started bitching up a storm on the credit union Facebook page.  This was a big to-do. READ MORE

Some Guy Called Me A Dick!

I don't eat the waxy chocolate ones though - only psychos dig those abominations.

I don’t think I ever have been flipped the bird while driving.  If so I have forgotten.  It’s likely, just from a law of averages sort of thing.  I was thinking about it today, and I also don’t think I’ve been in an accident since I was sixteen. READ MORE

I Wrote A Novel!

No, not  really.

But I got your attention, right?  What a sneaky dick!

I was curious to see how many words I’ve written since I started this  fakakta blog.  Thankfully, as Apple puts it…

There’s a piece of  electronic computing software that is available to download and install that will perform a series of  applicative tasks on your behalf. READ MORE

Shortest Story

Nothing less sexy.

I just remembered this.

My friend Peter was one year behind me in school.  Actually, I had only heard about Peter from our mutual friend Justin.  I was excited to meet Peter, as I had heard great things.  The first day of my sophomore year was the first day of their freshman year.  Pretty simple math, yo. READ MORE