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This Sweating Thing Is Goddamned Lame

One of my podcast hereos, Stefanie Wilder Taylor. I think she could smell the dried sweat on me, which must have been awesome.

I could not have been more excited to come to BlogHer 2012, the top women’s blogging conference in the country.  There are five thousand female bloggers and seventeen men.  I’m not totally sure on the actual men’s count, but it can’t be much higher.  I’m here because many bloggers I love told me to come. READ MORE

Lobster is the True Creator

The sad thing is that child was probably so freaked out that he #1'd and #2'd in his pants which ruined not only the lobster costume, but also the cookware.

Before you get all offended that I’m suggesting that lobster is, in fact, God herself, take a deep breath and relax.  (See what I did with the “she” thing back there?  I know my audience!)  You can continue to believe God is Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, or the Great White Buffalo.  I’m going to walk a different path.  God is the lobster I ate last night in NYC. READ MORE

Site is F’d

For some reason unbeknownst to me the site went down tonight.  Worse yet I was restoring a backup (which is done nightly in case something like this happens), and I accidentally restored a backup from mid-June.

No big deal except as soon as I did that restore, my system just happened to do it’s nightly backup. READ MORE

I’ve Got Two Chihuahuas Sleeping In My Bed

This was the most fit woman I could find in a chain mail bikini. Before you judge her shape, remember this – she is more comfortable with her body than you are. I don't even like my cat to see my stomach. She judges!

So, as the title suggests, I have two chihuahuas sleeping in my bed.  One is my own – Lil’ Miss Meepers.  The other is the property of my girlfriend Jessica – Dirk.

Jessica is at a fashion conference and so I have the dogs to myself.

Dirk is rotund while Meepers is fit.  That’s all that is necessary to say. READ MORE

I Wrote What YOU Told Me – Part II

This guy could definitely name a movie similar to his life. He thinks way more highly of himself than I.

If you don’t know what this is, then  read yesterday’s post  which will explain.

Ahem…

  • @ilovemymanalot  – How about Mitt Romney the King of Gaffe Doesn’t he know not to piss off the Brits

I had to do some research on this one. First of all, the Olympics started today. And, I’m not kidding here, but earlier someone asked if I was excited about the Olympics. I said, “Oh, are the Winter Olympics this year?” I truly didn’t know. Apparently Mitt Romney said something about the Olympics being a potential disaster. British people – just ignore what our politicians say. Go back to the telly and flip on  Dr. Who,  The Office,  Sherlock,Downton Abbey,  Fawlty Towers  – you’ll realize you’re better than we are. READ MORE

I Wrote What YOU Told Me – Part III

The cigarette makes his baby BMs unpredictable.

If you don’t know what this is, then  read the part I post  which will explain.

Then  read yesterday’s post  for round two.

Ahem…

I am a really super great qualified candidate for this job. I get totally fired up about stuff, which is motivating for others. I show up early and will do the late thing, too. I eat at my desk, but quietly and without weird smells. My bathroom behavior is tolerable. I don’t need WhiteOut, because I don’t make mistakes. Hire me at your own risk – I’M EXPLOSIVE. READ MORE

I Wrote What YOU Told Me – Part I

Tonight I asked you to come up with a post topic for my blog.  I always forget that more than one person might reply.  It’s a low self-esteem thing.  Anyway, out of respect to all who responded, I’m going to try to write about EVERY single suggested topic. READ MORE

This Baby Needs Routines!

In the catalog, her description reads, "Will make mother good, very helpful around chores and perform duties. Does not ask questions nor argue with husband. Likesrock and roll music and disco dance.”

I’m like a baby.

I don’t mean because I whine and cry and throw tantrums.  I do, but that’s not where I’m heading here.

My routines are that of an infant.  That’s probably exaggerated for dramatic narrative effect.  And it’s certainly a subjective assessment.  But let me make the case. READ MORE