In my longest interview to date, I interview the brilliant Neil Kramer, screenwriter and longtime blogger. We talk about all aspects of blogging. Just listen – it’s worth it!

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I’ve Always Gone For the Makeout – A Confession

by D.J. Paris on January 30, 2013

I’m thirty-six and I never learned how to date.

Back in high school when first dates were innocent and slow I assumed I was too ugly to attract a woman. (insert reader sob here. Wait… Did you actually sob? If not, go back and re-read. I want sobbing, dammit!) I did go on one date, but that was it. Other than a random kissing session, that was all I had.

Most of college went the same way until I went out with my first real girlfriend, Lisa. She and I clicked right away and started a relationship. It ended when I graduated a few months later. Then I was in St. Louis for a year not doing much of anything. I simply didn’t know anyone. After that I went to work for the beer company and traveled 100% for two years. The longest relationship I had was a week in Buffalo. That’s it.

Then I got off the road and went nuts for a few years in my twenties. I met a ballerina later on and dated her for several years. But she lived in a different state, so I never saw her. After that I basically met my wife and got married a few years later. After the divorce I dated a reader of the blog, interestingly enough, but that just ended a few months back. More or less, that’s my dating history.

Now that I’m single again I’m actually going to be dating for real for the first time in my life.

Here’s an important distinction I just learned – you shouldn’t always go for the heavy makeout on the first date.

I had no idea that wasn’t appropriate. I don’t think I’ve ever had a first date where that didn’t happen. I just assumed that was how you determined if the date was going well. If you got the makeout it means she likes you. This is the level of my dating maturity. So, I’ve always gone for the makeout. And, I’ll tell you, it can make someone really uncomfortable. Ha. I swear on the Bible I just assumed every date should end with a heavy kissing session.

By the way, can we bring back the phrase “necking”? I’m not 100% sure what it means, but is sure sounds awesome.

Well, just recently I ruined an opportunity for a second date for  this very reason.

I went in for the kiss. I went in hard. She initially pulled away (I was very persistant). Eventually she relented and kissed back. We did a standard five-minute makeout. I thought the rest of the date went great. The next day she IMd me and said that while she had a fun time she now only wants to pursue a friendship as she was uncomfortable with how forward the first date became. She was right to think this. She didn’t really want to kiss me. I took this initially as rejection. Actually, it wasn’t. She has continued to build a relationship with me and I believe she’ll be a good friend.

When I met with my therapist this week I knew it was time to sort out my need to get quick physical approval from a woman. The reality is I just didn’t have any experience otherwise. She reminded me that seduction is to build naturally and can’t be forced. It’s also not the acid test to determine is the date is going well. Lastly, just because I’m horny doesn’t mean I need to act on it. When I started to mention that I felt the urge to kiss women on dates, she held her hand up to stop me and just said, “Resist.”

I need to remember that dating is an interview. You’re both learning about each other and determining if the position fits.

Get it?! Ugh – that was terrible.

While a first date could lead to everything including sex or nothing physical the most important piece is that you spend time trying to connect.

Now that I’m removed the sexual side of a first date the pressure is way off. I don’t have to worry about when to make a move. I don’t have to serve pie for dessert and then right before she takes the first bite, just as the fork is going up to her lips, I grab the utensil gently and remove it from her hands. I place it back on the saucer, move the pie to the coffee table and set it down. Then I attack her mouth with the fury of a thousand Roman Gods.

I’m obviously kidding, as I’ve never successfully pulled off that move. It would go down in the books at the greatest first date kiss of all time.

roman gods

Well… not like these lame Roman Gods. Cooler ones with arrows and thunderbolts and big fists and stuff.


The Low After the High (and all that cliche crap)

by D.J. Paris on January 23, 2013

Last night I participated in a webinar where I taught somewhere between one hundred and two hundred people about my creative process for posting every day.

It’s funny because a few years back I wasn’t even writing at all. I don’t consider myself a “good” writer. I’m skilled at coming up with daily ideas. The webinar was exactly this topic – how to come up with blog posts in daily life. I prepared quite a bit and over 215 people signed up for the event. I couldn’t believe more than ten would. I’m not that popular, for chrissakes.

It’s wasn’t all about me – the Ultimate Blog Challenge sent a massive email blast out to their group.

I’ll have the recorded version of the webinar up shortly if you’re so inclined. We went over ninety minutes.

But none of this is really what I wanted to talk about today.

After the presentation I did an interview with the great Noa Gavin. I adore her and she’s one of the truly funniest women online. That podcast will be up in a few weeks.

So, after being “on” for over two hours it was time to crash. I was exhausted and needed some downtime. And then a huge wave of loneliness and sadness started just crushing me. I just wanted to be around someone romantically. Someone to hold and also to be held myself. I normally am not slammed with feelings like this.

It reminded me of what it feels like after playing a gig. I get to the show early to load in my guitar and amp. They I sit around the bar drinking Sprite until it’s time for our show. We play hard for forty five minutes and then it’s over. People come over to say, “Great job!” but then I’m alone again. I pack up my amp and guitar and head home at 1am.

As I’m traveling home I’m overcome with sadness.

When this hit last night I realized that this is just what happens to me after I perform. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s because you’re on a massive high of expounding energy and feeding of the crowd, whether it’s a webinar or a music performance. It’s probably a biological thing to balance out  the high with an equal low. It’s just weird because it feels so real that it’s painful.

I had to call up a friend just to talk, I was so lonely. I think it’s this “I need to be taken care of” since I just, in a way, took care of so many people by teaching. I’m in no way complaining, but I now know that the sadness will come after a performance. Hence, I need to make arrangements.

So, I might be calling on you! Get excited to be my crying blanket. Because my life is soooooooooooooooooo hard. You’re with me, right?


The is a valley – get it? Because I’m in an emotional valley you bastards!

photo credit: wildpianist via photopin cc


I Reunited With Teen Pop Star Kiana Brown

January 22, 2013

I’ve always been a fan of girl empowerment songs. Earlier last summer I interviewed young up and coming pop star Kiana Brown. She was fresh off winning the KidzBop competition which is basically the online version of American Idol. It’s a big deal. She was in the process of releasing her first single, Hey Chica. […]

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I Finished My First Podcast

December 20, 2012

I had my first podcast experience today where I was hosting. I’ve been a guest on a few radio shows before but never one where I did the conducting. Since I listen to podcasts everyday I figured this would be an easy task. It was not. First were the pre-show engineering tasks. Basically I had […]

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How Not To Blow a Radio Interview

November 10, 2012

I was asked back to be a guest on the UK radio show American Dream Team. During my last visit I didn’t realize they had FCC-like rules for broadcasting. Subsequently they had to cut a bunch of minutes off my interview. I always associate Britain with progressive laws and language. When I spoke to host […]

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I’m Worried About Something That Isn’t Worth Worrying About

October 30, 2012

I’m a little worried these days. This is going to sound like an insanely stupid problem, but here goes. I’ve been biking to work every day for over six months. Here in Chicago it’s getting close to hanging up the bike shorts (I have never worn bike shorts) for the season. Winter is coming. I’m […]

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I Got Interviewed! (About Some Old Crap)

October 25, 2012

This morning I received an interview request from the Chicago Tribune. Since I’m always in search of external validation I was excited that someone felt it was important to talk with me. About me. If you’re not familiar with Chicago, the Tribune is our flagship newspaper and one of the ten biggest in the country. […]

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