I Could Have Sold Wiener Pills for Earth, Wind, and Fire

D.J. Paris Earth Wind Fire

About fifteen years ago I found myself sitting in my parent’s backyard having beers with a guy I knew from grade school. I had been traveling around the country working for a beer company doing marketing but my contract was …


I Ate Live Octopus

I Ate Live Octopus

D.J., watch this video of live chickens being slaughtered. It’ll make you become a vegetarian. No, that’s okay. Not interested. Don’t you care about chickens being tortured and killed? (minute long pause to soul-search for an answer) No. I guess …


It Turns Out I Sleep Bad – Part I

They also hooked one up to my nuts, but just to be funny. Those wacky technicians!

For as long as I can remember I’ve been exhausted. I started taking naps my last year of college. I was studying meditation and self-hypnosis and would put myself in a deep trance following whatever instructions the new-agey book I …


Someone Flipped Me The Bird!

Chicago El

Had an amazing experience on the subway yesterday. Well, in Chicago we don’t call it the subway. It’s the “el” which is short for “elevated train” because it does, in fact, go above ground. The trains also go below ground, …


I Am Lucky and Ashamed


When I left my home it was -1 degrees. There’s nothing I own that is appropriate for negative temperatures. If I dug deep into my closet I could find a pair of long underwear. But then what? Put them on …


I Threw My Holiday Cards in the Trash – A Confession

holiday card 2013 front

It started with the stamps. Last Friday, like a good and dedicated employee, I went into work. There were some appointments I had set up for the early part of the day. On the way home I popped into a …