I Puked All Over Myself While Paddleboarding

dj wearing samsung gear vr

Throwing up while sober is unpleasant than while drunk. I’ve vomited maybe three times in the past dozen years, all from a flu or stomach ache. But back when I was drinking, puking after a binge was expected (and often welcomed). I …

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Is My Height Worth Fighting Over?

man lunge

I almost got into fisticuffs with someone the other day regarding my height. Okay, fisticuffs are an exaggeration. I haven’t ever participated in a true, punch-throwing fight. Once in my youth I jumped on top of a guy who was trying …

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The Glitter Pill Disappointment

glitter poop pills colors

I was hoping for fireworks, M-80 style. A few months ago one of my friends sent an e with the subject “You Can Poop Glitter With This Pill!” In the message was a story about an Etsy shop that sold …

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I Married My Sister! The Rehearsal

D.J. Paris Priest Rabbi

My comedy instincts are usually correct. About six months ago my sister called me to ask if I would perform her wedding ceremony. I wasn’t sure she’d give me this job as I had officiated weddings exactly zero times in the past. I was a groom in a wedding once, but then I got divorced, and I don’t think I could use my ex-wife as a resume reference for the gig.

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