6

The Glitter Pill Disappointment

glitter poop pills colors

I was hoping for fireworks, M-80 style. A few months ago one of my friends sent an e with the subject “You Can Poop Glitter With This Pill!” In the message was a story about an Etsy shop that sold …

Read More
2

I Married My Sister! The Rehearsal

D.J. Paris Priest Rabbi

My comedy instincts are usually correct. About six months ago my sister called me to ask if I would perform her wedding ceremony. I wasn’t sure she’d give me this job as I had officiated weddings exactly zero times in the past. I was a groom in a wedding once, but then I got divorced, and I don’t think I could use my ex-wife as a resume reference for the gig.

Read More
4

I Sort of Broke My Garbage Disposal But Not Really

Rotisserie Chicken and Garbage Disposal

You were all wrong about my garbage disposal. I purchased a condo in 2005 because my folks were nice enough to lend me a down payment. At closing I was able to pick out all the cabinets, countertops, moldings, and appliances. …

Read More
4

My Rear End is Imperfect and Needs Medical Attention

colonoscopy jug

I am getting a colonoscopy. If I rated medical procedures based on hilarity, colonoscopies would make my top ten. Not as funny as calf implants for dudes or ladies getting liposuction on their toes, but close. “So, what’s the deal with …

Read More