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There Are Two Chihuahuas Sleeping In My Bed • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

There Are Two Chihuahuas Sleeping In My Bed

D.J. Paris

How many Chihuahuas are currently sleeping in your bed?

All of you that have less than two please take one giant step forward.  Not so fast, Mr. Paris.

Please ignore the observation that I appear four months pregnant.

My girlfriend Jessica has been here for the past two weeks.  She brought her cat and dog, who happens to also be a chihuahua.  His name is Dirk.  Mine, as you may know, is Lil’ Miss Meepers.  Both dogs get along swimmingly and cause no problems in my life.

Sleeping is another matter.  First of all, I’m just shy of 6’3″.  Doesn’t that sound cooler than 6’2″?  Instead of going with the more humble and rounding-down 6’2″, I have to try to sound like a big-shot (pun INtended) and round up.  Let’s remove ego and start over.

Sleeping is another matter.  First of all, I’m 6’2″.  My girlfriend is 5’11”.  That’s a bunch of tall yoyos for one bed.

By the way, trying out “yoyos” instead of “fools” or “foolios” or “bozos” which I use more regularly.  Not sure if I like it.  Will keep you posted.

It’s time to get a king bed.  Sharing a queen with two tiny dogs who burrow and one girl whose skin runs at 104  Fahrenheit  is a little much.  If I bump up against her in the middle of the night, it feels like the onset of a chemical burn.  I have to recoil and retreat to my side.  This is an inch and a half to the right.  Not a lot of buffer.  Plus, she wakes up with my hand across her mouth every morning.  I must have dreams where I’m beating the plops out of something.  Hopefully it’s not dreams where I’m beating her up – but that would sort of explain things, right?

I’m putting a two-year plan together on this bed thing.  First I just bought a new queen set for my other bedroom.  That was expensive. Also, my frame on this bed was not cheap, and it’s a queen.  Putting 2k into a king frame and mattress would be painful at this time.  I could do it if I started selling my essences (blood, semen – not sure if you can sell urine).

I hope you are sleeping better than I at the moment.  But I am grateful to have two animals and a lady that wants to share my bed.  Also, I wait for her to fall asleep before unleashing my vapor.  I’m a gentleman.

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