Self-soothing.
This is something I am just learning. The past three years has been a journey into the feelings I avoided over my life. Since I had associated tough feelings (anger, fear, sadness) with shame, I ran fast and away each time any of them surfaced. I thought if I felt any of those it must have been my fault and I didn’t do something “right.” And sometimes, of course, that’s true. But 90% of the time it’s just natural pain we all experienced as children. Therefore, shame resulted.
Okay, are you sufficiently bummed? I forgot this is a humor blog. Blow out your hanky and let’s continue.
Oh, and stop carrying around a hanky. That’s nasty.
As I was exploring all of this with my therapist this morning I looked over at my dog. We were talking about the idea of self-soothing and I looked at the doctor as if she were speaking Greek.
By the way, that’s a weird expression. I don’t find Greek people puzzling and their language isn’t that crazy. I could get around Greece just fine. I feel like most of it is just pointing to landmarks and ordering things with feta. I don’t there’s that much to it.
She asked if I had an object from my childhood that I used to self-soothe. I’m sure I did back then but I came up blank. We tried to find one in my past but nothing was working. Finally I looked over at my dog who was passed out in her backpack. I realized she soothes me. I get to see her all day long every day, which is incredibly fortunate. Today she also accompanied me to the DMV to get a replacement license. Tonight she’s going to another meeting. I swear I’m not a dog weirdo. It’s just on the way home.
This is about the shortest post I’ve ever written but there isn’t that much to be said. In order to fully experience my emotions that are difficult I’m going to have to learn how to soothe a little more effectively. And while overeating pizza is fun it’s probably not the most emotionally healthy way to deal with pain.
Right now as I’m writing this the dog is peacefully snoring under my desk. She’s making little noises in her sleep that suggest she’s dreaming about chasing something exciting. I watch her drop into a trance each night after she goes to the bathroom where she puts a stuffed bear in her mouth and her tail wags like crazy for about ten minutes. She is self-soothing. Not sure from what as the little shit has the best life possible.
But for now, until I get more mental tools that will help me self-soothe I will use my dog. Her breath does not soothe me, however, now that I’m thinking about it. She needs a dental.
Tomorrow I will bring more of the funny. Since I haven’t said it in awhile, thanks for reading. You ladies and men are important to me – well, the cool ones. You lame-o’s can go soak your heads.
