Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the google-document-embedder domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/tfphumorblog/domains/thoughtsfromparis.com/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wild-book-child domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/tfphumorblog/domains/thoughtsfromparis.com/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the rocket domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/tfphumorblog/domains/thoughtsfromparis.com/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121

Warning: file_exists(): open_basedir restriction in effect. File(core/post-comments) is not within the allowed path(s): (/home/tfphumorblog/:/tmp/:/var/tmp/:/opt/alt/php74/usr/share/pear/:/dev/urandom:/usr/local/php74/lib/:/usr/local/php74/lib/:/usr/local/php81/lib/:/usr/local/php56/lib/:/usr/local/lib/php/) in /home/tfphumorblog/domains/thoughtsfromparis.com/public_html/wp-includes/blocks.php on line 763
Ready To Throw Up? • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

Ready To Throw Up?

D.J. Paris

A few days ago I talked about how depressing it is to catch myself naked in the bathroom mirror.  Many of you reported similar feelings of shame.

Here’s another knock to my vanity.

Last night, while visiting my girlfriend in Atlanta, she decided to record me sleeping.  Why?  Because apparently I snore like a dick.

Meanwhile, every single time someone has told me I snored (see how I not-so-subtly inferred that I’ve bedded a ton of women?), I assumed they were kidding.

Author Note – I was married for the past several years, took a year off after the divorce, and am now dating one woman.  I have not bedded many ladies.  Also, no men.

This morning the girlfriend told me very kindly that I had been snoring.  I laughed it off telling her, “I don’t snore.”  She laughed and then whipped out her iPhone.

I was so horrified by this, I just had to share it with you.  If you have any attraction for me (and you do) this will vanish within three seconds of pushing play.  Enjoy.

 

Exit mobile version