At around 5pm today I got an urgent email and voicemail from my server and hosting provider, GoDaddy. Apparently they had been trying to contact me for a week. The problem is that they also call once in awhile to upsell me on an upgraded server or more bandwidth. So, whenever they call, I just let it go to voicemail and then I delete, without listening.
Well, anyway, I get an email today with a “Server Taken Offline For Abuse” subject line. Now, I know writing about my feelings with a few dick jokes thrown in can be tortuous for some, but it hardly constitutes “abuse.”
This meant only one thing – my site had been taken down.
As a normal, high-functioning rational person, I freaked out. I jumped on the phone, because even a minute of me being down is a complete disaster. What if somebody visited my site at that moment? What if they went to click on a link and it didn’t work? These are totally appropriate and normal thoughts.
So, I have a few emotional problems. I get it. Then, I moved into the existential. Would my creativity cease to exist, as it’s been flushed away by GoDaddy? Would that mean a part of me dies? If so, what would be left? Or who? Do I not exist, at least partially, on the blog as myself?
Awesome thoughts.
Anyway, I called GoDaddy and was practically out of breath. And yes, I understand Sarah McLaughlin has all those dogs to save or whatever. I guess that’s important, too.
The funny part is that they said there was some “phishing” activity on one of my sites. Now, don’t worry – it totally wasn’t this site. I have a few other business websites hosted on this server. The phishing one, in particular, is non-functional. In fact, I had totally forgotten it even existed.
Apparently some hacker (probably from Nigeria) loaded up one of those fake landing pages that you get if you click on the spam that says, “Citibank needs you to log into your account NOW” and it looks just like the Citibank homepage.
I was a little flattered. Out of all the servers in all the world, they chose ME! Sure it was to illegally obtain usernames and passwords to financial institutions, but who am I to judge? I once killed a guy in the desert!
Okay, I didn’t actually kill a guy in the desert. I just wanted to sound like a big shot.
Bottom line is that this site is totally secure and I deleted the offending scripts. You are in no danger. Now, please send my your credit card info.
changethetopic says:
That’s way cooler than when I was on the phone with godaddy because I had completely erased my entire blog. We had company stop by at the exact moment that I watched all of the files leave my ftp server. He was talking to me as I called Arizona and sat there sweating, on hold. Everyone was watching me, and looking at me as if I shouldn’t be drenched in perspiration on a Canadian winter day. Needless to say, Godaddy had the site backed up, and I was up and running in 15 minutes, so there was no need to panic. I do like to panic though, so I hope I get a hacker one day.
D.J. Paris says:
@changethetopic I still love every time you post I get to see an avatar of Yucko the clown. My favorite Stern regular was Colt-FortyFeinberg, and I wish he was still around.
therealbirdman says:
@delfinparis @changethetopic I have two profiles, and don’t know how to work them. I don’t know Yucko, and now feel bad because I stole that pic for a post. http://changethetopic.com/humor-2/the-circus-was-in-town/ . I put it on my Twitter, and now it pops up on here once in a while. I have never been a Stern fan, but have listened occasionally many moons ago. Is he still on Sirius?
D.J. Paris says:
@therealbirdman @changethetopic If you were here I’d smack you across your gullet for posting a picture of Yucko the Clown without knowing who he is.
BellyBillboard says:
Speaking of credit card info…if you send me the last four digits and the CVA code off your credit card, I can guess the expiration date!
(please do NOT do this, it’s a joke)
D.J. Paris says:
@BellyBillboard 9431 – 238
The Offended Blogger says:
I use Bluehost, and have for years with no probs. However, I recently found out it is run by Mormons and as we all know they are supposedly very easily offended.
Hehehe. 🙂
D.J. Paris says:
Anyone that is into magic underwear is okay in my book.
Jessica_thereader says:
@The Offended Blogger Yeah, especially when you ask them how magnets work!
D.J. Paris says:
@Jessica_thereader@the This I know nothing about – please explain. (Yes, I’m too lazy to Google)