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I'm About To Do Something Gross • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

I’m About To Do Something Gross

D.J. Paris

Yesterday I posted about how get extreme pleasure from those heavy dental aprons they put on you during x-rays.  I looked into buying one last night, but the really good ones are a few hundred dollars.

Did I really want to blow a few hundred bucks on a lead apron?  Seems like an expensive experiment.  I mean, I only have had that thing on me for three minutes at a time.  Maybe at minute four it starts to feel constricting and scary.  Who knows?

So, I took my search to Ebay.

More of the same, really.  Expensive aprons, and shipping is a killer.

Until I found IT.

I look AWESOME in green.

Let’s zoom in a bit, shall we?

Um...

Not “a stain”, but “some staining”?  That’s more than one stain.  Good that there’s no rips, I guess.

Why the cursive?

Oh man, do I have some questions for C. Wang, M.D.  What’s the C. stand for?  Did you go bankrupt?  And, if so, I’m guessing it’s because you didn’t wash your lead aprons.

I have another, more interesting thought – Dr. Wang loves boobs.  He decided to become a radiologist, and my theory is that he got in so he could look at cans all day.  As a result, he started doing breast exams that lasted a little too long.  Plus, he would grin the entire time.  He was brought up on charges, sent to jail, and shivved in the shower by a large Mexican.

And now I’m going to buy his nasty old vest.  But I have a few questions, which I sent over to the seller.

As soon as I hear back, as long as the words “semen”  or “boob milk” do not appear, it’s going to be shipped to me at work.  Not sure how I’ll explain it to my coworkers.
Will keep you posted.
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