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If I Don't Exercise I'm Nuts • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

If I Don’t Exercise I’m Nuts

D.J. Paris D.J. Paris

The longer, more accurate title would be “If I Don’t Excercise, I Turn Into a Raging Asshole Nobody Appreciates.”

I am cursed.  Cursed I tell ye!

Well, not really.  But I do have this weird body thing.  I’m wired up to always have extreme energy.  I tap my foot constantly, talk fast, and generally act like a spaz.  Call it ADD or whatever.  The bummer is that I can’t take traditional meds for this because my body is also wired for addiction.  Taking amphetamines isn’t a good idea.  Same reason why I can’t drink, use drugs, or do caffeine.  I kind of love it too much.

There are non-stimulant medicines, but they work just slightly.  So that leaves a bunch of other stuff I must do in order to get rid of this excess energy.

If I don’t get rid of the energy it comes out in all sorts of weird ways.  I can get really angry at things that are meaningless.  Just this afternoon I was pretty much yelling at my girlfriend because she didn’t take every piece of advice I had for her on a job interview.  I clearly know exactly what she should be doing.  Why isn’t she blindly accepting all of my genius?  Doesn’t it sound fun to date me?

But, like a stoner after a bongload from the Graffix two-footer, had I run a few miles there’s no way I would have the energy or the inclination to shame my girlfriend.  I would have purged all that energy out.

Also, I am not one of those guys that just lives to exercise.  I’m being a little unfair, as I do ride my bike 20 miles each day (to and from work).  While this sounds like a lot of cardio, and it is a decent amount, it’s really not enough for me.  I’m still a little bit of a spaz afterwards.  However, I don’t understand guys who can’t wait to get to the gym!  But it’s a good idea to lift a few weights and run a mile or two.  The science is in on exercise.

For the first time in forever, tomorrow after I get home I’m heading to the gym to do a quick 45 minute strength workout.  Will I bust out of my shirt like Lou Ferrigno?  You know I will.

Aside from exhausting my body, what else can I do?  Two things come to mind.  Yoga and meditation.  These are both integrative experiences to bring the attention to the present of the body and mind.  However, I don’t do these either.  But I’m going to do a seven minute meditation tonight.  I’m looking for a yoga thing via Groupon or something so I can try it out.  Not sure which one is best for me.  Hopefully not the one where everyone farts during baby-pose.

Here’s my formula for being a normal, non-shithead:

Healthy eating + cardio/weights + therapist + intimate connections with people + medicine + integrated activity (yoga, etc.) + honesty and vulnerability on this blog = Healthy D.J.

Oh, and when I make fun of your comments below, I’m not being a shithead.  You deserve it.

Incredible Hulk Dork
This guy has not been laid since the millennium.

photo credit:  The Eggplant  via  photo pin  cc

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