Earlier today I was goofing around with my blogger friend Erin Margolin about writing a post called “Breastfeeding in Public – A Dude’s Perspective.” If you’re not familiar, this is a hot button topic where women bloggers and readers are fired up on both sides. Apparently it’s a huge deal.
As a guy I had no idea people argued about this. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a boob out in public feeding. I think what happens is that women often use that veil thing so people don’t stare at their jacks. Or maybe I just never paid attention. Either way, apparently it exists and I’m missing it.
Since many of my online friends and readers are women I started to learn more about the issue. I was sort of surprised because I didn’t think anyone would care either way what other chicks did with their kids. The more I reflected on it, as I visualized a woman breastfeeding in public, I just sort of had a, “Eh – whatever,” response. It doesn’t bother me. Unless you’re in a bikini running on the sand, I’m not really paying attention to chests anyway.
But, to be truthful I’m usually at the dog beach and it’s not exactly a sexy place. Everyone’s covered up and some of those owners are nuts. I bet some crazy broad has whipped out a boob and breastfed her schnauzer. Wouldn’t shock me. But, I bike to work with my dog in a backpack. I’m not exactly normal that way.
Plus, here’s the deal. I don’t really have opinions on women’s issues. I’m too absorbed with my own shit. As long as whatever side of the issue gives you more freedom, I’m good with that. Tell me where to sign. Now, leave me alone so I can watch Dr. Who.
My feeling is that as you have to carry the little one in your belly for nine months, you get to make the decisions. It’s like abortion – I stay out of it. Telling you what to do with your bodies is not a good move. In fact, telling women what to do in general has not boded well for me.
I really did think about it to determine if it did, in fact, freak me out. Nah. Now, I did catch a dude pissing on our condo building last night walking to a concert at the Aragon Ballroom. I was displeased with this display of public nudity. At the time I was driving in the alley and I tried to run him down. It was fun and he couldn’t easily stagger away with his wang out. Good times.
So, breastfeed during a corporate meeting, while jogging, filing taxes, whatever. Or don’t breastfeed at all. It’s your call. Let me have some input on the fool’s name and I’m good.
By the way, I’m a third (III). Making a IV will be pretty funny. “This is my son, Cuatro (I’m half Spanish). He’s a real winner! His mom breastfed him during campaign speeches running for Lieutenant Governor! (this is assuming I’m marrying a future Lieutenant Governor. I’m pretty sure chicks can run for that.)
I took out a whole section in this post with some solid breastfeeding jokes. It was really funny, too. But I know humor about this topic sometimes isn’t appreciated. Oh well. If you meet me in person I’ll tell you. Don’t slap me.
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