Earlier today I was goofing around with my blogger friend Erin Margolin about writing a post called “Breastfeeding in Public – A Dude’s Perspective.” If you’re not familiar, this is a hot button topic where women bloggers and readers are fired up on both sides. Apparently it’s a huge deal.
As a guy I had no idea people argued about this. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen a boob out in public feeding. I think what happens is that women often use that veil thing so people don’t stare at their jacks. Or maybe I just never paid attention. Either way, apparently it exists and I’m missing it.
Since many of my online friends and readers are women I started to learn more about the issue. I was sort of surprised because I didn’t think anyone would care either way what other chicks did with their kids. The more I reflected on it, as I visualized a woman breastfeeding in public, I just sort of had a, “Eh – whatever,” response. It doesn’t bother me. Unless you’re in a bikini running on the sand, I’m not really paying attention to chests anyway.
But, to be truthful I’m usually at the dog beach and it’s not exactly a sexy place. Everyone’s covered up and some of those owners are nuts. I bet some crazy broad has whipped out a boob and breastfed her schnauzer. Wouldn’t shock me. But, I bike to work with my dog in a backpack. I’m not exactly normal that way.
Plus, here’s the deal. I don’t really have opinions on women’s issues. I’m too absorbed with my own shit. As long as whatever side of the issue gives you more freedom, I’m good with that. Tell me where to sign. Now, leave me alone so I can watch Dr. Who.
My feeling is that as you have to carry the little one in your belly for nine months, you get to make the decisions. It’s like abortion – I stay out of it. Telling you what to do with your bodies is not a good move. In fact, telling women what to do in general has not boded well for me.
I really did think about it to determine if it did, in fact, freak me out. Nah. Now, I did catch a dude pissing on our condo building last night walking to a concert at the Aragon Ballroom. I was displeased with this display of public nudity. At the time I was driving in the alley and I tried to run him down. It was fun and he couldn’t easily stagger away with his wang out. Good times.
So, breastfeed during a corporate meeting, while jogging, filing taxes, whatever. Or don’t breastfeed at all. It’s your call. Let me have some input on the fool’s name and I’m good.
By the way, I’m a third (III). Making a IV will be pretty funny. “This is my son, Cuatro (I’m half Spanish). He’s a real winner! His mom breastfed him during campaign speeches running for Lieutenant Governor! (this is assuming I’m marrying a future Lieutenant Governor. I’m pretty sure chicks can run for that.)
I took out a whole section in this post with some solid breastfeeding jokes. It was really funny, too. But I know humor about this topic sometimes isn’t appreciated. Oh well. If you meet me in person I’ll tell you. Don’t slap me.
photo credit: jeff.snodgrass via photopin cc
elpe12 says:
Nothing beats the day I was at church and some lady whipped out a Hooter Hider (the brand name for “that veil thing”) and began breastfeeding her baby during the sermon…
D.J. Paris says:
elpe12 Maybe that was her version of “testifying” – I can respect that. But if she had shot milk into the air in celebration, that would have been cooler.
elpe12 says:
tfpHumorBlog elpe12 The old woman sitting beside her would have probably met Jesus that day if she did that…
Kianwi says:
The thing that is most absurd to me about this issue is that in most of the rest of the world, women breast feed in public, with boob completely exposed, all the time. It makes no sense to me that it is even a controversy here in the U.S. Good job on your presentation. I do believe it was offense-free 🙂
kathym425 says:
We live in a society (here in Canada too) where people tend to get uptight over the sight of a breast. Breasts have become such symbols of sex that people forget that their primary purpose is to feed our young. I think that, as long as nursing mothers are discrete and use something to cover up, as I did with my kids, there shouldn’t be anything for anyone to complain about. Sadly this doesn’t seem to be true….BTW, I’m not one of those touchy people; I would have laughed at your jokes 😉
HeidiVBA says:
@tfpHumorBlog. Nicely done!
Craziness Abounds says:
I don’t care if women breastfeed in public as long as they cover up. i don’t want my hormonal boys walking around looking for any woman that has an infant, and stalk them for a chance to see a nip at meal times. Just saying.
D.J. Paris says:
Craziness Abounds Good point. I’m sure no mother wants a teenager staring at her while she’s feeding her little one while sporting a boner. Yes, women, this happens to us. Ha.
Craziness Abounds says:
Exactly. so breastfeed away my friends just cover those puppies up.
KateSpackman says:
Seriously, where are the jokes? The topic could use a little lightening-up. :o) I am a mom, five kids. So, I think I can speak freely here. I did breastfeed for a time. But, I rerouted myself to the bottle – so that 1) I could get some damn sleep and 2) my husband could participate in the feeding. My thoughts on breastfeeding are as follows : Show some modesty, keep yourself covered, and No one wants to see your boobs. Well, some freaks do. But, most don’t. And last but not least…if the kid can talk, or put on his own clothes…it’s time to introduce the wide world of drinking cups people.
Michelle says:
This is what I got from this post: blah blah yadda yadda blah – what? *rereads sentence* Really? OMG HE WATCHES DOCTOR WHO!!!!!! FANTASTIC!
Not exactly the reaction you were looking for, I’m sure, but thought you’d like to know.