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I Stare at Vs (In My Doctor's Office) • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

I Stare at Vs (In My Doctor’s Office)

D.J. Paris

Last time I brought up my therapist’s office, I wrote about the girl who I see each week in the waiting room.  An update to that story is that we both rode the elevator down together, just her and I, a month ago.  We said hello and smiled at each other.  First contact.

Today I rode my bike to work, which is ten miles, hung out for 30 min, then jumped back on my bike to head to therapy.  Which is about three miles away.  By the time I got to her office, I was a sweaty-Freddie.  That’s not a thing, I just like rhyming things with dudes’ names once in awhile, Kyle.

So, I’m cooling down in a polyester sweat-wick shirts or whatever it’s called.  I’m still dripping last night’s Fresca from my pores onto the barcalounger  in the waiting room.

I’ve been going here for three years, each week.  I feel like I have a pretty firm grasp of the place, what exists in the waiting room, the hallway, and my doctor’s office.  But for some reason I missed this.

...Um... Hmm...

I should probably explain that the entire office (not my therapist’s doing) is completely outfitted in Georgia O’Keeffe paintings.  And Georgia O’Keeffe is an American genius when it comes to painting.  Painting vaginas.

Nobody loved vaginas more than her.  She must have painted hundreds of them.  I don’t know what her deal was with the v, but she was a lady obsessed.  It’s her signature move.  Monet loved the garden.  O’Keeffe loved the hoo.

Now, at 10:15am, this is not a welcome sight.  In fact, there’s a little bit of naseua that came up, quite frankly.  Hey, look, I’m a guy.  We dig a naked woman.  But not one cleaning the house or cooking dinner.  Keep your clothes on until it’s time for lovemaking.  And by the way, I decided to only use that term going forward.  “Our lovemaking session was really amazing last night, Marilyn!”  “You are an excellent lovemaker, Barb!”

So, I’m not sure a big old v is the right call for a waiting room.  I mean some of the people that come in are probably sexual deviants.  No reason to give them ammo.  Just do Whistler’s mother or some shit.  Nobody’s getting turned on by her.

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