I probably get four headaches a year. I think the weather has something to do with it, and maybe it’s a rain humidity thing. Who knows.
Note – I ended that with a period, not a question mark, as I don’t really care for the answer.
Bottom line is that I currently have a headache. I never know how much pain medicine to take. I know that gel cap shit works the best, but I only have the little red ibuprofen. Those gels are like the Chewels of pain meds – shiny, mysterious, fun, and they have a little sugary coating. Man, I wish I had some right now.
Oh – how much I take. Got off track there. I always take four. Since I only do this a few times a year, I’m really not interested in screwing around. I heard that this stuff rips open your stomach, but maybe that’s aspirin, and really, who’s using that anymore? It’s like whole milk. If you see someone pulling out the whole milk carton at the Albertsons, you need to carefully examine them because something is horribly wrong with them. It’s okay to judge whole milk buyers. I asked a priest.
I have a, shall we say, matured tolerance for medicine. This is part of the reason why I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or even take caffeine. I get consumed by anything addictive and then consume it in heroic amounts. For example, the four pills didn’t quite kill the headache. I’ll probably take a few more before bed. There’s no way you should pound 1200 mg of ibuprophin in five hours. If I don’t survive the night, you may all fight over my impressive collection of band aids that I’ve amassed. I bet I haven’t used a band-aid in seven years. Yet I have like 200 of them. Maybe we’ll give them out at the memorial service and you can wear them under your eye like Nelly did as a way to catch the tears that will surely be flowing.
Okay, I need to sign off and go sleep off this headache. Good morrow.
Instead of writing this I thought I would shoot a video of me stuffing a whole rotisserie chicken skeleton into my garbage disposal and turning it on. So I did it. But in the end I realized nobody would want to watch this 42 second video. It’s going into the archive vault.
