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How To Bring A Stinky Sandwich On an Airplane

If you’re Jewish, or secretly wish you were, (like me) you know that Passover is upon us.  I don’t know much about their religion, but I know that  the Jews have some pretty fantastic food.

Ever eaten matzo ball soup?  It’s the best thing ever.  I’m totally shocked that I’ve never once seen it on a restaurant menu outside of a few delis.  Also, just matzo crackers – delicious.

I’m traveling down to Atlanta for the weekend to spend time with my girlfriend’s family.  I flew out of Midway airport, and the best thing about Midway is that they have a Manny’s kiosk there.  If you’re not familiar with Manny’s it’s the premier Jewish deli in Chicago.  Similar to Carnegie and Katz in New York City, but a little better in my opinion.  I’ve written about it before.

Right before I boarded my plane I ordered a half pastrami, half corned beef sandwich and a huge potato pancake.  I nearly got matzo ball soup, but decided against it.

My lunch > Your lunch

Now, if you’ve ever had hot pastrami and corned beef, you know it smells like death.  And nobody on an airplane wants to smell your stinky cured meats.  It’s like when some jackass whips out the bag of McDonald’s next to you, and you want to throw up because it’s too strong at 10:15am.

But I needed to eat my food.  So here’s what I did.

I waited.

You know how when you’re in the bathroom at night tearing it up from the Thai lunch you had with your boss?  Sure you do.  Then, your husband makes the mistake of barging in, not realizing you’re in the middle of Dante’s fifth circle of Hell.  And he freaks out and threatens divorce, and he’s right to do it.

You get used to the smell over time.  The same principle applies on a plane.  I sealed the bag of food up tight, and stuffed it under my seat.  I knew if I whipped it out right away, people would not appreciate the stank.  Ten minutes later, as we were taxing, I opened the bag  slightly.  While we were ascending, I opened it a little more.  I waited a good thirty minutes longer, and then opened the bag fully.

By this time I’m sure the other passenger’s  nostrils were all burned out anyway, and nobody seemed to notice.  You have to ease someone into a stench on an airplane.  Do it for them.  Pay it forward.

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