In the past I’ve written about how awesome it is to find white hairs on my girlfriend’s head and plucking them. I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it.
While Jessica is visiting I try to carve three minutes each day to search her extremely thick and luxurious hair for white follicles. But now I have a new obsession.
A few days ago I talked about how depressing it is to catch myself naked in the bathroom mirror. Many of you reported similar feelings of shame.
Here’s another knock to my vanity.
Last night, while visiting my girlfriend in Atlanta, she decided to record me sleeping. Why? Because apparently I snore like a dick.
At around 5pm today I got an urgent email and voicemail from my server and hosting provider, GoDaddy. Apparently they had been trying to contact me for a week. The problem is that they also call once in awhile to upsell me on an upgraded server or more bandwidth. So, whenever they call, I just let it go to voicemail and then I delete, without listening.
I’ve lived in Chicago for over ten years and never been to The Goodman Theatre. I’ve seen a dozen or so Broadway performances when they make their way here, but have not visited the most well–respected performance company in the city.
This is particularly strange for me as I’ve been to over fifty crappy Cubs games despite the fact that I don’t follow baseball and couldn’t name one player on the team.
Did you read every last word I wrote this past week?
What? You didn’t?
That’s hurtful, goddammit!
I bet you didn’t miss Top Chef! Seriously, is that good? What is it, a bunch of cooks hanging around with their Ginzus? No offense, but watching people cook doesn’t interest me when I’m IN a restaurant.
Instead of trying to impress you with a nice build-up before the story, I'm just going to let the story impress you on its own.
My Review – As Seen On Amazon.com
Perfect If Your Coworkers Grafted a Dick On Your Hand!
As a genetic bio-engineer, I am working on architecting the growth of organs and appendages via biological induction grafting. For you dummies, that means I do things like grow human ears on mice. It's super cool.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
