Just last night I found an old file with letters, poetry, and other nonsense I had forgotten about from long ago. As a 35 year old, some of these writings date back to 1995, a year after I graduated high school.
You may or may not find this amusing, but I discovered a piece I had started to write (for myself apparently) about how high schoolers should drink alcohol because being in high school is stressful enough. Obviously, it’s satire. I really don’t care if your kids drink or not. I have my own problems.
I have no recollection of writing this at all, and it’s just a very basic draft, but it really made me laugh. I must have been inspired by all those dopey pamphlets available to teenagers about various life subjects. One in particular I remember was about how to get comfortable with your own body (as a boy). In that pamphlet there was a photo of a 15 year old, shirtless, staring at his bicep in the mirror. The caption was something like, “Like you, Tim spends hours looking at his muscles in the mirror, deciding whether lifting weights will make him more popular with the girls.” If anything spawned this piece, that was it.
Just for posterity – as best I can tell, this was written back in 1995. That’s sixteen or so years ago. So, again, it’s not perfect. But for an eighteen year old, not terrible. I’m proud.
This is just a start of a story, and I’m bummed I never completed it.
I love the idea of a pamphlet for teenagers making the argument that drinking will help ease social concerns, reduce stress and anxiety, AND make you cool at the same time. Which is sort of does, actually.
Note – I, personally, don’t drink. I haven’t touched alcohol in eight years. But this is still funny as hell to me.
Note Note – If you’re on a mobile device you should see a link below to download and read. For us on computers, you probably will have to scroll around a little and zoom in to read it. Sorry.