When I left my home it was -1 degrees.
There’s nothing I own that is appropriate for negative temperatures. If I dug deep into my closet I could find a pair of long underwear. But then what? Put them on under my suit pants? I’d get to work where the temperature is a 72. Then I’d be hot for the day.
Plus, I’m only outside for between five and twenty minutes depending on how fast the train and bus arrive. Yes, I ride both the train and the bus. I own a car but I’m too cheap to put the miles on it. I live close to the train and my work is near the station.
When I climb the train platform I have to wait only three minutes before one arrives. The train is never full and I stand against an interior window. The backpack which houses my dog is removed and placed between my legs. I pull out my phone and start thinking of things to tweet.
Today the train took five minutes to appear. Then it zoomed past. This is bad for three reasons. One, the obvious temperature discomfort. I’m exposed outside on an elevated platform with no heater. Two, the train not stopping means that something is wrong. It’s skipping stops to fix whatever goof-up happened earlier. Third, when the next train does stop it’s going to be jam-packed.
While waiting for the train I stared directly into the sun to feel a bit of warmth on my face. I’m sure I looked like a weirdo. Next time you’re in that kind of weather, try it. It works.
The next train stopped. Jam-packed. Normally this doesn’t bother me. I can be squished and I don’t freak out. But I have a backpack with a dog inside. This means I have to hold the backpack down near my legs for about thirty minutes. I’m not exactly crushing the weights these days – this is no easy task. Also, I have to be constantly thinking of the dog’s safety to make sure some jerk doesn’t knee her in the skull.
The train ride was uncomfortable but without incident.
After emerging from the station I looked for a bus parked outside. Once in a blue moon there’s no bus and it might take five or ten minutes before one arrives. Today, blue moon. When I looked down the street there was no bus in sight. I’d have to walk.
Distance to work from bus stop – one mile.
The sidewalks were barely plowed and there was slush everywhere. I couldn’t move as fast as I wanted and kept slipping. Every time I passed another bus stop I looked back – no bus.
I was halfway to work and crossing a bridge when I remembered I was carrying a dog. Meepers never makes a sound and I had forgotten she was back there. I felt terror. The backpack has a mesh covering around most of it. This allows the dog to breath. Also, it allows cold air to come in. I had dressed her in three layers of clothes, but I was nervous. What if she had frozen to death? I was too afraid to take off the backpack and look so I tried to walk faster. I didn’t know how long a seven pound Chihuahua could survive in that weather. I whispered a foxhole prayer and started to cry.
A few minutes later I arrived at the office doorstep and turned the key. Stepping inside I felt heat. I ran to my office, tore off the backpack and opened the zipper. The dog jumped out as usual and went to her bed under my desk.
After the euphoria of her being alive wore down I was saddled with a tough reality. I had placed my dog in danger.
Guilt and shame flooded my core. I tried to start the morning but couldn’t shake the weight of those feelings. A coworker snapped me to reality with a meeting we had scheduled. I buried the feelings.
I’m not sure I’ve yet forgiven myself for this mistake. I will, but I need to sit with it a for a while longer.
photo credit: ChaoticMind75 via photopin cc
Sarah (est. 1975) says:
What you’re describing sounds incredibly like Chicago…
…?
Anastasia Wake says:
I understand all too well the guilt our furry little friends can unknowingly heap upon us. I had a baby donkey die a day after he was born and I just KNOW he died because of my lack of experience. It has been almost four years and I can still feel that guilt in my gut when I think about it. I’m glad your Boo is fine and all you can do is learn from the applicable lesson.
Lori Estep says:
Normally, I try to leave a witty comment, but not today. This had me in tears. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with everyone. I only hope I can be as brave in my writing someday to open myself up like you do.
I’m glad your little baby is fine. She sounds like a trooper.
Shay says:
I’m so sorry that happened, but I’m happy your puppy was okay!
Do not beat yourself up over it. You both are okay 🙂
Casi says:
Wow. You get to take your dog to work, lucky.
Also, very good dog.
Dogs are forgiving creatures. If your dog can forgive you, then you should forgive yourself.
Joanna Sormunen says:
I’m glad your dog is OK. What a scare! Chihuahuas are so fragile even thought they are really tenatious. But it seems that the clothing you put her was apropriate.
AlwaysARedhead says:
You had your Chihuahua in three layers of clothing, so it sounds to me that you were prepared if the train and bus did not show. I am happy your dog was safe and oblivious to the danger of the cold. Pets bring us such happiness and calm us down in times of need, it is wonderful that you are even able to take him/her to work with you.
nikki says:
Do glad you both made it safely! Hope the ride home was uneventful!
barbie says:
Leave your doggie at home next week, seriously!
mothers little hleper says:
Glad your dog is ok. hope you feel better and dont feel too guilty for too long
Yvonne says:
Yvonne Croke I says:
Ok this might seem harsh but you were only short of wrapping your pup in bubble wrap and she was super when you got to work, the very movement of your body would have kept her warm. Your baby is very relisant and you’ve provided that point, there is no point in over analysing you’re ability to mind her, maybe you should take the car in future 🙂
PS To the lady with the donkey….my heart goes out to you but nature can be cruel BUT don’t ever blame yourself……
Lillian from It's a Dome Life says:
I am glad you both made it. Sorry you are feeling so bad about taking your dog out in the cold. I think the fact that you bring your dog to work is really awesome and I am sure you did it out of love. Hope you don’t beat yourself up too much over it.
Francene Stanley says:
Dogs are pretty adaptable, but I know how you must have felt. We take on a huge responsibility with our pet by insisting they live by our rules. What a great job you must have for them to allow you to take your dog.
Lady Bren says:
Bless your heart. Everyone’s said everything that can be said, it is only you that can forgive yourself ~
Lady Bren
Sophie Bowns says:
I’m sure your dog will love it!
Jessi says:
I know exactly what you mean. My cat got out a couple of weeks ago in subzero temperatures and wouldn’t come back. I was sure that I wouldn’t see him again until Spring thaw when I would find his little body. He was gone for the worst of the weather and came home when the temps topped 10.
Kat says:
Dogs are pretty resiliant and it sounds like you had her bundled up well. She was also protected in the bag with your body heat seeping in. She’s not holding a grudge against you so don’t hold one against yourself. You’re a good doggy-daddy!
Michelle says:
Didn’t someone once say something about hoping to be the person their dog thought they were? Our pets are our children, and we do our best. Unless you are willing to switch to a papoose, which would keep Meepers close to your chest, and possibly under your coat (which poses other problems), I think you are doing the best you can to protect your baby. Remember, our pets used to live in the wild once upon a time, and they are at least as tough, if not tougher, than we are. If Meepers has forgiven you, forgive yourself.