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I Have The Greatest Readers In The World - Part II • Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories
Site icon Thoughts From Paris · Humor Blog of D.J. Paris · Funny Stories

I Have The Greatest Readers In The World – Part II

D.J. Paris

Earlier last month a very generous reader sent me a pair of shower gloves with my initials to use as a stocking.

And then, nothing.

You fans suck!  I actually prayed to Jesus that he would deliver all of you bad tidings for Christmas.  Or wait, is that Santa that hands out the tidings?

Speaking of – I’m super excited right now, because I just learned about Santa’s evil partner!  Set your phasers to “blown” and aim ’em at your minds.  Check this out.

On Christmas Eve, St. Nicholas (that’s Santa for all your Jewish, Muslim, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Mormons.  Wait, do Mormons believe in… ah, I really don’t care.).  Let’s reboot.

On Christmas Eve, St. Nicholas jumps in his sleigh and starts whipping reindeer.  But what if you’ve been naughty?

Not to fear because Krampus is on the job!

Krampus is St. Nick’s buddy who hangs with Santa in the sleigh during the night.  However, instead of handing out toys, he creeps into bad children’s bedrooms and stuffs the offending boy or girl (let’s face it, it’s mostly boys) into his gunny sack.  Then he takes them home and eats them for Christmas dinner.

No, I am not making this up.  Check out what Krampus looks like.  Pretty awesome.  Pretty damned awesome.

That kid had big ears anyway. It would have been a life of ridicule. Krampus did the right thing.

So, don’t let the mythology of Krampus  disappear.  Shame your children into good behavior.  By the way, Krampus is really huge in the Alpine countries.  And when’s the last time Austria caused any problems?  Maybe it works!

Part of me hopes Krampus visits your home this Christmas since you didn’t send me anything after all the awesome and free content I provide you nearly every day!

But at least for one of you, I hope Krampus passes over your house and into your neighbor’s condo.

Today I received a homemade reader holiday card in the mail!  The reader, whom I’ll call Levar Burton, sent me this lovely item.

I blocked out Levar Burton's face at her request. And, oh yeah, Levar Burton is a woman.

Thank you, Levar Burton!

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