Sweat! Sweat! Sweat!

Was 98 degrees in Chicago and we tooled around doing stuff outside.  My mom, dad, girlfriend, sister and boyfriend are all here.

One of the weird body things I have that I can’t seem to change is this sweating thing.

Here’s the deal.  I don’t sweat under my armpits.  Not sure why.  I mean, maybe it’s just that I use deodarant, but I’m pretty sure most dudes do.  Some guys, though, halfway through the workday their nastiness has bled through the undershirt and into the Brooks Brothers.  It’s awful to look at, and those poor shirts just get ripped up.  Those guys might as well just buy yellow shirts to match the future armpit stains. READ MORE

There Are Two Chihuahuas Sleeping In My Bed

Please ignore the observation that I appear four months pregnant.
meepers and dirk
Please ignore the observation that I appear four months pregnant.

How many Chihuahuas are currently sleeping in your bed?

All of you that have less than two please take one giant step forward.  Not so fast, Mr. Paris.

My girlfriend Jessica has been here for the past two weeks.  She brought her cat and dog, who happens to also be a chihuahua.  His name is Dirk.  Mine, as you may know, is Lil’ Miss Meepers.  Both dogs get along swimmingly and cause no problems in my life. READ MORE

The Time Is Nigh… (that means “near,” bozos)

If you don't help me, I'm just going to make it an all-walrus design.

I have been plagued by an annoying thought for the past few months.

My website simply loads too damned slow.

Partly it’s my fault – I have burdened this bitch down with tons of scripts, images, and customization.  I’ve tried various solutions to decrease load time like eliminating extraneous functionality, moving my server to a cloud, combining image sprites, caching stuff, and all sorts of nerd crap.  Nothing works. READ MORE

Stairs Never Get Easier

I know your pain, sister.

When I got my place nearly seven years ago, I opted for the top floor in our building.  The floor plans are essentially the same in each unit, but the fourth floor (the top) has the highest ceilings.  I think they’re 13′ feet or something.  Whatever – I thought it was cool. READ MORE

I’m Speaking At AimingLow’s Non-Conference

Today I am proud to announce that at AimingLow’s very first conference (awesomely titled, Non-Conference), I will be part of the group that speaks to attendees.

If you’re a blogger, this is a must.  Last year I went to BlogWorld LA – loved it.  Not only did I get to hear from some of the most effective bloggers online, but I met and hung out with people who were passionate about blogging – you know, nerds.  I have five close friendships today that started and blossomed there. READ MORE

Why High Schoolers Should Drink

Just last night I found an old file with letters, poetry, and other nonsense I had forgotten about from long ago.  As a 35 year old, some of these writings date back to 1995, a year after I graduated high school.

You may or may not find this amusing, but I discovered a piece I had started to write (for myself apparently) about how high schoolers should drink alcohol because being in high school is stressful enough.  Obviously, it’s satire.  I really don’t care if your kids drink or not.  I have my own problems. READ MORE

Larry The Cable Guy Follows Me

I was in the bathroom using my phone as an escape from time with my own thoughts, and I had a thought.  Do any famous people follow me?

There are only two types of famous people that follow you on Twitter.  Famous people that follow everyone that follows them (which is rare), and famous people that actually follow you for some weird reason. READ MORE

Dump Your Friends!

Took the dog to the beach today.  Got sunburned.

There are some people in your life that you need to disengage and bolt.

Recently a woman that I went on a few dates with a year ago asked me to help her find an apartment.  Since I have dozens of leasing agents that work at my office, I offered assistance.  Apparently she had started seeing some guy in her building, an artsy type that could hardly pay the bills, and they decided to move in together to save on rent.  They were in love, but there were problems in the relationship.  He has erection issues and also they never see each other due to their schedules.  She wanted to move out, but was afraid he would be devastated and not able to take care of himself.  I provided no advice other than that she trust her feelings. READ MORE