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I got to my gate exactly one minute before the doors closed today. It was awesome. My streak of never missing a flight is in tact, people! Update your notes.
When I walked onto the plane an elderly woman was in my seat. I officially had the aisle seat yet she had claimed it. I completely understand and would have done the same thing. We’ve all done it. Slid to an open seat hoping to God that the latecomer isn’t looking your way.
I’m off to visit the girlfriend tomorrow. I have done the responsible thing by packing tonight and cleaning the place a bit. I still haven’t asked my neighbor Heidi if she can check on the cat a few times over the weekend. I even plugged in my air freshener thing that alternates two scents into the air every hour or so.
I found this old narrative I had written about my dating exploits in St. Louis. Here is the original piece with terrible jokes and worse grammar. I believe I wrote this is 2001.
Okay, let’s back up a few years, when I was an eager young man fresh from college on his first job. I was working out every day, eating nothing but fruits and vegetables, and wearing the finest suits Famous Barr had to offer [read: Nautica]. I was living in the Central West End of St. Louis, which is known for being a cool, artsy area.
I tear myself down quite a bit. This morning my therapist made me say out loud several accomplishments I should acknowledge. As a thirty-six year old man, I was embarrassed. I did struggle. Then I got into the rhythm and started firing out everything I’m currently doing right.
If you’ve been wondering when the next time I was going to brag about how popular I am via Twitter, today is your day!
Last night I crossed over the 20k follower threshold.
A big thank you to everyone who is passing this site around to friends, family, co-workers, frenemies, naysayers, do-gooders, that guy who lives down the block, your pharmacist, and the milk man who hasn’t come around since 1957.
The longer, more accurate title would be “If I Don’t Excercise, I Turn Into a Raging Asshole Nobody Appreciates.â€
I am cursed. Cursed I tell ye!
Well, not really. But I do have this weird body thing. I’m wired up to always have extreme energy. I tap my foot constantly, talk fast, and generally act like a spaz. Call it ADD or whatever. The bummer is that I can’t take traditional meds for this because my body is also wired for addiction. Taking amphetamines isn’t a good idea. Same reason why I can’t drink, use drugs, or do caffeine. I kind of love it too much.
Today I went on a boat that didn’t go anywhere and didn’t go on a boat that did go somewhere.
My day was really supposed to be different. I had plans to visit a friend of mine who was donating some pretty amazing bike tires to me and going to help install them. Even though I log more than 100 miles a week I couldn’t tell you the names of most of the parts of my bike. I’m embarrassed to say, but it’s true, that I just learned there was a “tube†inside the tire about a year ago. I’ve been riding for four years. Obviously I have the capability to learn this stuff, but it just doesn’t come naturally.
I have always had heroes.
On my way into work when I’m not listening to a podcast or one of my old Weird Al albums, I get quiet and think. About myself. Within a minute or two I start interviewing myself as if I were a guest on some important television program, answering questions about my life. I’ve written about this before, and while it seems like narcissism I actually think it’s about me getting to know myself a little better.
My girlfriend’s cat is dying.
The vet has given her three months. They found a bunch of tumors in Muchie’s abdomen and think that this is a terminal situation. She also has had diabetes for years. When Jessica visited me for three weeks this summer she drove up from Atlanta with both her cat and dog. She couldn’t leave the cat by herself because sometimes she doesn’t drink enough water and needs fluids. Plus, you have to test her blood sugar and all of that.
I'll never give this child another cigarette, pinky swears!
